Tagartou Asked March 2020

Elderly neighbor gets lost and confused outside at night, caregiver not taking steps to prevent it. Any advice?

All,

I am not a caregiver, but I am worried about an elderly neighbor of mine.

Several times recently we have been woken up to our elderly neighbor trying to walk into our house. He doesn't know where he is and goes in a circle of the several houses close to his banging on the doors and trying to open them.

The first time this happened, our security door was unlocked and he kept swinging it open, it was 3AM, and we don't have a peep-hole or window overlooking our door and don't live in the best neighborhood so we ended up calling the cops thinking someone was trying to rob us, to later see the cops were escorting him home (also, it was about 30 degrees and he was in his underwear).

After we've known it was him, since then I've taken him back to his house and locked his door to keep him in.

His daughter is supposed to be his caregiver, but she lives separately to him. She has been informed of these incidents, but still lives separately. I don't know either of them well, before this I had probably had 3 conversations with the old guy when out walking my dogs.

Should I report this to Adult Protective Services, or something else? I believe he is a danger to himself if he continues to live without any supervision. He could die of exposure, get hit by a car, or walk into the wrong house and catch a bullet. But I also don't want him to be forced out of his house. Especially now...if I called something in and he was taken to an adult care facility that ended up having an outbreak of COVID-19, I don't know how I'd handle that.

So please, any advice?

24 Answers

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Yes, keep calling the police to document. You would be surprised how much capacity an elder is still deemed to have under the law even though their behavior demonstrates otherwise. Without documented behavioral problems APS may have trouble stepping in. And please don’t judge the daughter or family. They may have done everything they can and have hit that brick wall of futility. Oftentimes with stubborn seniors something really bad needs to happen before anything can change.

Helpful Answer (15)

You should absolutely report to APS. I’d also call the police every time it happens, they will document it. Thank you for being a neighbor who cares

Helpful Answer (14)

The simple answer is YES!!! What are you waiting for?? I had the same problem with my 83 year old neighbor but she would get in her car and get lost!! She would yell for me outside on her porch in below zero weather!!! She had a telephone and my number was right by her phone in big numbers!! I contacted her daughter in Florida and said you need to get her and put her where she’ll be safe!!! Her daughter flew in and within 2 weeks I put her on a plane and her daughter picked her up from airport (direct flight 1 hour and 20 minute) she is now safe in a nursing home that deals with dementia and Alzheimer’s!! So yes call protective services before he gets hurt or ends up dead!!!

Helpful Answer (10)

This gentleman needs a higher level of support than he is getting. This is not a question of "his daughter should move in with him". This may well be that he is still competent to make his own decisions and he has decided that it's fine that he lives by himself.

The only way to get him the care he needs is to report him to APS and yes, i would alert the police when he is wandering the neighborhood.

Find out if you have a "community policing" number in your locale and call them to discuss this situation.

Helpful Answer (9)

Absolutely agree! Inform APS. They are trained in the best way to proceed with these types of situations. They will determine the level of safety the patient is presently in and if there is a need for higher level of care. The daughter may want to help but has no idea where to start, APS will provide resources and assist her with options to best suit the situation. The more documented incidents the stronger the case for need to provide a safe environment. Take the burden of responsibility off of yourself and hand it to those who have expertise, APS. It’s the best thing you can do for both the man AND his daughter.

Helpful Answer (9)

In hindsight, you should have called the police every time he wanders. Eventually, they would have called APS. No, I wouldn't call the daughter. Let APS do that. I would not get involved anymore than I have to. The call to APS is private.

Call APS explaining the Police have taken him home and you have escorted him back. You really do not know the family well, just a hi in passing. You are worried about the man, could they please investigate the situation. You have done what you could. If APS falls down on the job, then call the police every time the man gets out. Eventually, the Police will do something. And all the neighbors should complain about him banging on their doors in the middle of the night.

Please, don't feel bad if placing him in LTC results in him passing. He is not safe where he is. You have no way of knowing what dangerous things he is doing behind closed doors. So its a catch 22 no matter how u look at it.

Helpful Answer (9)

If you know how to contact the daughter I think I would let her know that reporting him (and her!) to APS is the next move if you find him outside 1 more time. Or, if you talk to your neighbor you may want to ask if he has OTHER children to see if you can contact them. They might be totally oblivious to what is happening. Him moving into a facility, even now, is not the worst that could happen. At least he'd be receiving proper care and be protected. Most NHs have been on lockdown for a few weeks now and so far, so good. Bless you for caring!

Helpful Answer (8)

If that was my father, I absolutely would pray for a concerned neighbor such as you. My parents have the exact opposite with hospice, therapist, and pcas. They are afraid of my sibling. Keep telling me they see neglect but nothing. I agree with having conversations (unless you fear for your safety), police every single time, and APS. I wonder if you can contact a local home health agency and let them know you know of someone that may need help.

I fear the worse if he keeps knocking on doors.

Helpful Answer (6)

Call 911 each time. The authorities can get Adult Protective Services involved if they are needed.

Helpful Answer (5)

Speak to the caregiver about it. It sounds like it's time for him to have someone with him at all times, or move to an assisted living facility. It's dangerous for people who get confused about where they are to be wandering by themselves. He could get seriously lost and disoriented.

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Elderly neighbor gets lost and confused outside at night, caregiver not taking steps to prevent it. Any advice?

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