Would like rude aide removed from parents home, but not sure if it can be enforced. Advice?

Forgot to add which is of most importance. The employer stated aide does not have a responsibility to report injuries/health issues by calling hospice. They stated the responsibility falls on the live-in-sibling and if they don’t report that is a family issue not a company or aide issue.

Wow, the best employer can do is have the aide go outside or leave when we visit.

More hostility from the aide, and I can't blame aide.

[But without it, you really have no say in anything]
This is such wonderful news. I have to accept the secrets of the live-in-sibling concerning our parents. I have to accept the rudeness and possible sneaky ways of this aide who was dismissed before due to the same reason.

[To get POA, your mother would have to prove to an attorney who’s drawing up the document that she understands what she’s signing.]
I think mom would require guardianship. But I was considering getting it for my father. I was hoping it would allow me to change companies.

[But be prepared that if you do find a way to get POA, you will no longer be an observer]
I’m not understanding.

[Your brother may wash his hands of the whole situation and their care will fall to you.]
You wouldn’t believe how much of the care always did fall on me mostly and rest live-in-sibling. The only care brother has ever provided was lip service, he is not hands on.


[I’m sorry your don’t seem to be getting cooperation from anyone]
That’s upsetting. It’s like since you're not here daily anymore; you don’t have a right to know what is going on, ask questions, visit, or even call for that matter. It’s like when I interact with my parents during a visit, all eyes are on me from the live-in-sibling and aide especially the rude one. I'm uncomfortable and shouldn't be. I would rather have aids that understand these are my parents as well and I should be made comfortable. If the current company can’t provide this, I would like to be able to change companies. So live-in-sibling didn’t want me there. I finally gave what was wanted but the rest is not going to wash.

I guess I'll just see if a conversation can be had with APS for advice and maybe even an attorney.

I’m sorry your don’t seem to be getting cooperation from anyone, anywhere. And unfortunately the elders are the ones who are suffering, physically and probably verbally as well. It sounds like there’s so much infighting going on. I’ve heard that about APS as well. If you can’t go to them for help, where else are you supposed to turn? And now, with Coronavirus you can’t even go to the ER. If you had POA, things might go easier. But without it, you really have no say in anything and will probably just incur more anger if you try to say anything. Please keep us updated.

I use to help parents all the time just as a loving child. They cared for us and there was no way I could not help care for them. Then about seven years ago I became the hired help for one of the elders through the state. I drove 45-minutes to work daily for a long time. Then last year I couldn’t take the hostility (drama about care) from the live-in-sibling and at times our father (instigated by live-in-sibling) so I switched companies to bring in extra help and even brought in hospice. Figuring more help.

Then I went down to four (no change). Down to three (no change). Finally, I felt for safety reasons I had to leave position this year after a brother threatens bodily harm to my family. But even before then my doctor said time to turn loose because my health was starting to fail. Neck locked up so tight I couldn’t get in and out of bed. And the thought of going there made me sick to my stomach.

For some reason, I think live-in-sibling and aids believed my family would no longer be around. Not going to happen, we have been coming weekly but went a few days over a week this time (yesterday) due to virus and saw all the injuries. The live-in-sibling got hostile as usual when I asked what happened. And the aid said she didn’t have to answer me.

So Ii called hospice this morning including all social workers to see why not one person called me about injuries. The state worker said, she didn’t know and had not gotten any calls. The hospice social worker then contacted their nurse. I guess the nurse contacted the live-in-sibling. Even said an x-ray had already been done. So I asked shouldn’t a lump on the head from the first part of the month be gone? Now I wait to see if anyone reaches out after visit.

I have not notified the aid’s employer by phone but did get a certified mail off this morning asking for her removal. Without power of attorney of any kind, I'm not sure I can force the issue on anything.

The aid is only disrespectful to me. Live-in-sibling is a bear and others turn a blind eye including APS. I’ve asked siblings to help and nothing. I can’t think around them and should have done the pictures. Instead, we helped dad get done what he needed, spent a few more minutes with mom, and left. The tension was in the room upon entrance and only got worse.

You’ve given a lot of answers here, and many of them advise calling the police and APS. You don’t mention what your “parting” involved and your profile doesn’t indicate if you’ve moved out of town. state or whatever, but it doesn’t sound like you have daily eyes-on your parents. When did you notice the bruising? Who is the “someone” who stated the injuries are old, and does it really make a difference? No one is taking responsibility for the injuries. Who knows how many other times injuries have occurred and gone untreated? In addition and for whatever reason, you seem to have a rancorous relationship with your sibs and the hired aide. Why did they request her if she is disrespectful and rude, or is she this way only to you?

In the future, when and if you notice injuries on either of the elders, whip out your phone and take pictures of the injuries. Don’t discount anything they tell you about their treatment by their caregivers and write down the dates and times of their comments. What’s being done to them could very well constitute abuse. If you’re of that mind, call APS and have them come out. If, upon visiting them, you notice more bruising or other injuries, pack the elder off the the ER and share your concerns with the Social Worker there.