Find Senior Care (City or Zip)
Join Now Log In
C
Ceecee65 Asked March 2020

Mom's distressing behavior after Dad's death. Any advice?

Dad died last week in Assisted Living after a lengthy illness. They were married for 67 years and together until the end. Mom (89yo) has always kept her feelings and thoughts on a short leash. The family says it's because she was raised in a household of "strong New Englanders". Dad was the outgoing one and never met a stranger.


A couple days after Dad died, mom started turning her cup as she drank from it. Now she turns her cup in a circle as she makes the cup circle a placemat. Now she's circling her spoon as she circles her bowl (she's on a mechanically softened diet because of some choking issues). She's spending so much time doing all this circling, that she isn't getting much food or drink inside her. Yesterday, she blew her nose and put the tissue up her nose and began circling it there.


A therapist would say that perhaps the circles are just her way of dealing with all the swirling thoughts in her mind (that she won't share with us!).


Have any of you dealt with a sudden onset of repetitive OCD-like behaviors?

JoAnn29 Mar 2020
If she is a person who tends to pent up emotions, then I agree with the doctor, this is how she is dealing with Dads death or, she does not know how to deal with his death. Has she cried. If not a good cry may help. She needs to grieve and may not know how to. Its only been a week.

Yes, call Hospice and ask that a counselor come and talk with her. Maybe family sitting around and talking about him and the good times would help her cry it out.

Testing for a UTI would not hurt but I think this is has to do with Dad dying.

BarbBrooklyn Mar 2020
Anxiety is a diagnosis of exclusion. That is, rule out possible physical causes before you hop on to the psychological ones.

Just to add, my mother's heightened level of anxiety was the ONLY indication that her cognitive skills had declined (due to an undetected stroke, long story). No amount of reassurance or explaining or "talking it through" helped. Meds did.

ADVERTISEMENT


Isthisrealyreal Mar 2020
Ceecee, I am sorry for your loss.

May God grant you grieving mercies and strength during this difficult time.

I agree with Barb, get a UTI test done just to rule it out.

I am sure that she is heart broken and trying to process her loss. 67 years is a lifetime and not easy to face under perfect conditions. I spin my coffee cup around and around when I am contemplating a serious issue, it helps me to know that life continues to circle and burns some of my physical energy from being distraught. The tissue thing is worrisome.

I pray that it is an organic cause easily treatable and that she finds balance in her new normal.

BarbBrooklyn Mar 2020
Ask the doctor if he is aware of the fact that UTIs sometimes cause behavioral changes in elders. Ask her/him to humor you and run a UTI culture.

And yes, having someone from hospice come to talk to mom is a great idea!

I'm so sorry for your loss.

BarbBrooklyn Mar 2020
Have her tested for a UTI immediately.

Talk to her doctor about this change in mental status.
Ceecee65 Mar 2020
We've talked to her doctor and he's attributing it to her inability to deal with her feelings and anxiety of losing Dad. The AL where she lives is wonderful and is doing all they can to keep her occupied and out of her head.
I think my next step will be to call the hospice that attended to Dad and see if the grief counselor can come talk to Mom. Maybe she'll talk to a stranger because she won't talk to us. She's ALWAYS been someone who doesn't want to burden anyone. :(

ADVERTISEMENT

Ask a Question

Subscribe to
Our Newsletter