When do you know if it is still the right thing to continue caring for a loved one or sending them to a facility for trained professionals?

Ty to each of you that responded. We have an 11 year and I feel it’s unfair to put her needs before his. My husband struggles with her passing alone. I am working a full-time and still am managing to work round the clock to care for her and he keeps pushing the line in the sand further out. I am typically a very strong individual with and stand my ground when I choose my battles. If things don’t change now, this could be our demise. I am 54 and my husband is 61. He is getting chest pains, we both have developed anxiety issues. I am not sure why I feel guilty. I know that I am all about resolution if there is a problem and I seemed to have gone inward and backed off instead of reasoning, or giving an ultimatum since I didn’t want it to be something that would come back to bite me later. #itistime

If it is indeed "causing a siginifcant" on anyone in the home's well-being, it's tiime for a facility. Doubly so now that she has declined so much. I'd argue if they cannot toilet themselves, or able to move around by themselves they need to be in a facility.

"we need to do what is best for us". Yes. For ALL of you, the whole household.

Dementia is progressive & care needs do increase as time goes on so it is sensible to re-view the plan when things change.

If Mother cannot stay home alone in the day since the # hip & cannot attend adult day care, then someone must stay with her all day. This is a significant change. To provide daytime supervision, either;
A. more paid aides
B. a family member becomes a full-time carer
C. it's time for residential care

We are dealing with similar in my family too. Option A. was chosen & worked ok for a while but not anymore due to difficulty of managing services/sometimes not available/staff turnover/needing more care. No-one able for option B. Therefore option C. it needs to be.

Have a good chat with your DH & make a new plan that suits you all.

When you ask yourself the question whether you should move her it is time to move her. You are not able to provide the care she needs and that is ok.

Quality of life? Whose? Many elderly thrive in assisted living.

Why are you feeling guilty? You have done much more than most.