To try and sum up what has happened. She is in ALF due to her blindness, and nearly debilitating anxiety and depression related to losing her eyesight. Over the past couple months we had issues with ALF not giving meds properly and ultimately a situation where she fainted, hit her head and had to go to ER. Long story short; that was handled improperly as well and I even had to call the owners who were unaware at all that was going on but this was right at the beginning of this covid crisis so everyone has been scrambling since. She was at rehab following hospital stay but they allowed her to make the choice to go BACK to this ALF despite me not wanting her to. I had already found another ALF to take her that I felt would be a fresh start for her given our amount of problems there. But again, they allowed her to go back. I was concerned that her anxiety which had grown severely since the med errors and all would make her once again have a “meltdown” once she was back there and that’s just what happened. 5 hours after being transferred back she panicked, had a severe anxiety attack and had to go to the ER where she did a voluntary admission in Behavioral health.
She’s been there for about a week and now the HUGE question/dilemma with all this going on....given her blindness, do I move her to the new ALF that’s willing to take her and will for sure quarantine her 14 days (praying she doesn’t lose her mind again) but she will be in ALL new surroundings in her room and only bare bare essentials. OR let her go back to original ALF we have had difficulty at but she would have all her things and is well oriented there? Go away Covid :( Caregivers have a hard enough time making decisions normally...this crisis decision making is even more awful....
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Your children don't have anything to fall back on if you and husband get sick. Take care.
I can understand about putting minor children ahead of mom's care, but I cannot grasp putting the needs of a fully, grown adult with (we are presuming) no particular health concerns ahead of fragile parent. Seems like the spouse would be exceedingly needy. Just one person's opinion on it.
So, your mom has serious, longstanding mental illness AND she has gone blind.
Her mental illness is the first and primary issue and needs treatment before anything else is addressed. Keep her in the behavioral health unit until they have her medicated to where she can function. Placement depends upon THAT level of functioinng.
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I would have a serious talk with the DON and Admin of the new facility, and even ask if they can assign someone special to assist Mom in acclimation, and volunteer to pay extra if you have to.
And if you do move her, after she's settled and life is easier for her, I'd consider reporting the old facility. What you described in terms of sanitation is inexcusable.
ANY ALF should have the training to set up an environment for her that is safe. They should know to get pictures of her room as it is, and arrange things in exactly the same way. She needs ongoing OT with a specialist in low vision to adapt and support her so that she can move in her environment. An OT can be brought in though home health, even with COVID ongoing. Medicare is more liberal about paying for home health since most out-patient faciities are closed.
OT will not only help her function in her new home, they can also teach her hobbies that she can do even with her loss of sight. If her hearing is good she can even learn to play a keyboard. There are many types of crafts that she can learn to do. Being completely alone and blind is more frightening and stressful than most people can imagine. That by itself will cause severe depression and can cause suicidal ideation.
Is there a close friend or family member that Mom can live with instead of an ALF? Having someone to be with who cares about you makes a huge difference. Can you hire a private companion a few times per week? Someone already on the staff? It's expensive, but Mom needs to be less frightened. Us Boomers don't like to admit we are scared of anything, but fom what you have shared she is literally scared to death.
She does listen to tapes of books but does not have the voice controlled computer. I’m not sure why. I’ll have to look into that when they re-open after this mess.
As far as the new ALF, we are just striking out. I have had very little contact with them in trying to help ensure she gets settled there, and I was let in with mask and after temp taken as an emergency when I brought her there from the hospital because her room wasn’t put together at all. They allowed me a couple hours of trying to at least get the bare essentials straight enough to where she would have an idea where they are but nothing else. She said she’s asked them for more help and they always attest that they are busy, which I know they probably are and she may be asking a lot or she is manipulating the truth of that to me too. It’s hard to say with how she manipulates stories to me.
There is unfortunately no one but me. I am it. I have 3 young, busy children, a husband with a first responding job that requires a lot and zero family help. Her “friends” I can’t even count in to at least call and check in more then every couple months. I know that hurts her, and she does have a sister and niece but they never make time to see her. She will luckily admit her fears but still won’t be completely transparent during therapy sessions bc she doesn’t want to “sound crazy” which I tell her only makes it worse. I wish we had the funds to a) move her to a higher quality facility and/or b) be able to afford a companion for her but it’s just not in the funds. She makes literally bare minimum on disability and is left with almost nothing after they take her Alf payment out. I could possibly try and look into once a week or every other week if somewhere would allow that but it would be us making that commitment so would have to see how much that would be as well. Thanks for the suggestions though, I will look into the computer for sure and how $ once a week would possibly cost us for companion!
The thing is. You may be the only one she's got. And she may demand that you 'talk her down off the ledge.'
But what's the good of that if all the sacrifices you make for her don't help her? That's why I asked what the unit is saying - what's their assessment of her care needs, where would *they* recommend she go?
Good luck.
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