How can I help my mom during this very difficult time?

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mitchelll1sa Asked April 2020

How can I help my mom during this very difficult time?

My mom is 76 years old and lives alone. She is healthy for the most part. However, she thrives and looks forward to her exercise class, lunch out with friends, and church activities. All of which, due to this coronavirus have been cancelled. She complains to me constantly about how bored and lonely she is and at this point, I am almost more worried about the toll isolation will take on her as I am of her actually getting the virus. I try to remind her that every person who is retired and single like she is, is going through this same thing. I can't help much because I am the director of a grocery store, working 60 hours a week, and it's very possible that I have already been to this virus. I wish mom could go stay with my sister, but 1.) My sister lives across the country and mom has no way of getting there, and 2.) My sister would never allow that to happen anyway. Please help!!!

Coronavirus Depression Living Independently Senior Activities

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score 0 · Answer 1

Your Mother's an adult, she is just complaining to you. Yes, we all miss our normal lives, and yes, we all are feeling isolated an going a bit stir crazy. Just remind her how fortunate she is to have her health, as thousands of people die around the world from this virus. Don't let her go on and on, tell her we're all feeling the same way and we must be patient.

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score 2 · Answer 2

Your mother is not that old. She should be able to understand the magnitude of this time in history. Reiterate to her that everyone is going through the same thing and it is IMPERATIVE that she remain at home. Perhaps she could check into online games and/or activities.

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score 2 · Answer 3

My mom is facing a similar situation and she is close to your mom's age. All her social activities are cut and she lives in a nice condo alone. She has already cleaned the house, sent out her Easter cards, and organized whatever needed it. She takes walks in the evenings while maintaining social distancing. She is making phone calls to folks from church to check in on her friends. She is reading every book she can safely get her hands on. I have encouraged her to start painting again. I call her a couple of times a week and my sister does the same. I have encouraged her to call her grandchildren. My daughter will start calling her to document "family stories" for an expanded family tree. I hope some of these ideas may be helpful for your mom.

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score 1 · Answer 4

Would your mum be able to write old fashioned letters to her friends? This would keep her busy and give her a sense of purpose, and would brighten the day of the recipients too and might lead to them phoning for a chat to say thank you. I have been writing to my mum and to other elderly relatives and neighbours who are alone. It really does cheer people up to have a letter or note which they can keep and read again, especially for those with memory issues.

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I’m going through old emails or things that remind me of people I haven’t seen for a while, and then sending emails to them. This crisis makes it much easier than usual to make a ‘how are you doing’ contact that you might otherwise feel a bit embarrassed about doing out of the blue. Could mother do that?

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score 0 · Answer 5

If she and her friends are comfortable with technology, they could get together via a Zoom meeting; the basic plan is free for a 40-minute meeting. It's like combining FaceTime with a conference call. I meet with my book group that way, and we're all in our 70s. Zoom works with computer, tablet and smart phone.

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score 1 · Answer 6

I have been thinking how much easier the social distancing is for those of us with someone we live with. It is hard for a single person, especially an older single person, to get through this time. If your mother has a good friend who is also single, and one or the other has a guest room, perhaps they could move in together temporarily to look out for one another. This would make sense if both of them have been social distancing for the duration and both feel lonely but physically well.

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score 1 · Answer 7

Extroverts seem to be having more difficulty with "stay home". She could check with her specific exercise facility to see if the class she take has gone on line. If so she could tell her friends and they could do a group skype after the class to all stay in touch. Religious groups are also organizing services that can found on the internet. She can order books on line (Kindle or actual books). However, for an extrovert, nothing takes the place of actual face time with friends/family.

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score 5 · Answer 8

Your Mom is not that old that she can't understand what is going on. After a point I would be blunt. "Mom, the whole country is going thru this. Everyone has to "stay put". You are just going to adapt at this point and stop complaining. It only makes it worse"

I would have no contact with her either. You can leave things at her door step but do not see her physically.

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score 3 · Answer 9

If she has a computer or tablet and internet access, see if her church is offering anything online. A lot of churches are offering church service remotely. I’ve seen local pastors offering to set up group video chats for people wanting to worship or have bible study. Even if her church isn’t doing anything like, I am sure you could fine one that is.

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score 4 · Answer 10

Our local cable co offers exercise classes for seniors such as Chair Yoga, SIt & Be Fit. and others. If available, maybe she would enjoy those. You could also setup Skype for her on your laptop or phone so she can at least chat with friends.

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How can I help my mom during this very difficult time?

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