Uncle (92) is proving to be a serious danger to himself and others. He refuses home assistance and won’t move to assisted living. Suggestions?

report him to APS as a vulnerable adult ASAP. You can’t just force someone in to assisted living. If he hasn’t been deemed mentally incompetent and if you don’t have an activated POA, you don’t have any authority to act. But you can get the ball rolling by calling APS.

His symptoms may be dementia or depression. Call his local police. He is a danger to himself and others. They can have an involuntary psychiatric admission for evaluation. If he has depression, he will remain in hospital for treatment before release home. If her has dementia, social work can find a placement for him... against his will if he is deemed incompetent.

Sound the alarm loud with APS, his local Police & Doctor & tell neighbours to do same.

Gas in the home & leaving the car engine on? Do you suspect he could be suicidal at all? He may need to be forcibly taken for health eval (is the US term Baker Acted?).

I can't believe this is not also true in the US: for some decades now, all gas cooking appliances have an automatic cut-out built in, so that if the gas is not lit the supply cuts off. There cannot be unburnt gas leaking into the rooms.

That doesn't stop him leaving the cooker burning, of course, which is far from safe; but it does mean there won't be a bombe surprise awaiting the condo's residents.

Like Beattie, I'm more concerned about this story that he is "sleeping" in his car with the motor running. Do the neighbours mean they found him in that situation and that was what he told them?

Stop telling him what to do. Ask him to talk to you about how he's feeling about life generally, and what he would like to do.

Meanwhile the other residents should start putting in calls to APS. One call per neighbour every time they observe a significant incident. Have they previously got on with him okay? How long has he lived there?

Definitely contact APS. My spouse's grandmother lived in an apartment for 45 years. She was a hoarder and she was an uncontrolled diabetic. She left the stove on, fell asleep in her "chair," and the fire department had to break the door down, transport her to a hospital from which she was moved to a nursing home. She was not happy about that, but unreasonable and dangerous behavior results in loss of options. The condo association is right to be concerned. The whole place could go up in flames. And the elder who caused it would be liable for everything.

Call Adult Protection Services. They will investigate. With things the way they are now, Police would be the better choice. Ask them to do a well visit.

It’s not safe for your uncle or his neighbors that share his building. A fire would be awful.

I would do as Cali suggests and make a call to APS. At least it’s a start by having documentation of his condition.

You might even want to tell the neighbors about the phone call in case they would like to inform APS further with a first hand account of what is happening.

It is very hard to force someone who is legally competent into care. Good luck to the condo association's lawyer with that! Possibly they can force him out of the condo but I doubt it will be quick or easy.

Let them know you and your brother are willing to help your uncle as soon as he asks for help but you can't and won't accept the "task" they are giving you.

Call 911 and adult protective services and inform them that he is a danger to himself and others before he does burn the building down. They can admit him for observation and keep him for an undetermined time period. He may be placed in a facility where he is safe and not a danger to others.

"They fill patients up with more and more meds as time goes by. There is NO quality of life. And it usually goes from assisted living, to More 'assisted' living, to full time care...translation, filled to the brim with meds and living in a depressed blur hoping for death. I have seen this pattern many times over."

sunshinelife, you are 29 years old and talk about "patients." Are you a doctor? A nurse? You don't appear to be a caregiver. Or are you?

There are many caregivers here who have placed their LOs in facilities, including me. My mother went from "independent" living in her condo to a 17-day hospitalization (gallbladder infection) to a SNF for rehab, and then she remained there after rehab was done. Did she want that? Of course not. Was she still deemed competent? Yes (since legal competence has such a low bar). Was I going to give up my life to move in with her, including care of her gallbladder drain? Of course not.

Don't lecture people about how bad facilities are. As people are kept alive by modern medicine and live to be older, it is not right that their relatives (usually in their 50's, 60's or even 70's) should be expected to take care of them.

Thistledown3's uncle is clearly a danger to himself and others, and APS/police should be called. What he wants is no longer relevant.