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goingcrazy62 Asked April 2020

Should we keep a healthcare worker who reported us to Adult and Child Protective Services? The allegations were not true.

Mom lives in an apartment off of our kitchen. I take care of mom every day except when a healthcare worker is here. (6 days/week 9am-2pm) The healthcare aide is employed by an agency who the state pays.
APS involved, the complaint was abuse & neglect.
Short story: the paramedics hurt my mom's shoulder/arm when they took her out of her bedroom. (I was not present) The aide was told this by my mother and myself, however, she insisted that there would be finger bruise marks if that were true. 8 days after the bruising appeared, APS appeared at my mom's door.
CPS the complaint was sexual abuse.
My teenage daughter likes to talk with the health aide. My daughter has general anxiety disorder, ocd and depression. An internet incident of a sexual nature that happened about 3 years ago has troubled my daughter and she is in therapy to help her deal with this. The aide knows my daughter is in therapy. Apparently, my daughter asked the healthcare aide "what is considered sexual abuse?" Of course she had asked this of me also. So CPS appeared at our door the same day as APS appeared at mom's door.
The only one who knew about the bruise besides my family was the aide. There is no question she is the one who called the protective services.


I'm thinking of just telling her that next time she has concerns to talk to me about them as there is often a simple explanation. (as there was in this case)


Do you think we should continue to let her care for my mom or ask for a different aide? Oh, and let's make this very complicated. Last month we rented out a small basement room to her. It is month to month.

SnoopyLove Apr 2020
She reports you to both APS and CPS?!! I personally wouldn't feel comfortable continuing to provide employment -- and an inexpensive place to live! -- to this individual.

At the very least, let her go and evict her if she reports you guys to anyone else, like the cops or the FBI or ATF or something. Three strikes she's out!

Seriously, though, I am sorry this is happening to your family. No one needs more stress in their lives right now, and having what seems to be either a wolf in sheep's clothing or a well-meaning less intelligent person literally living in your basement isn't helping.

lealonnie1 Apr 2020
This woman sounds over zealous & over bearing to me. To take it upon herself to call APS and CPS while renting an apartment in YOUR home seems a bit too much for me to handle. I'd ask her to leave; come up with whatever story you need to come up with; lack of funds, a need to move a family member into your basement all of a sudden, a desire to care for your mom yourself, whatever.......just get her out.

Since this is the aide's first and only job as a caregiver, I'm not sure she's been 'taught' ANYTHING about ANYTHING, never mind how and when to call APS or CPS, etc. She may just be the type of person who feels she must be the watchdog for the world and report everything she THINKS is true, while only having a tiny fraction of the details. Lots and lots of problems can arise from such a situation, I know, a close family member of mine was reported for 'sexual misconduct' while tending to a patient's G-tube in a nursing home. A CNA saw him with his hands on the 'lower portion of the patient's body', where the G-tube was located, and decided he was 'sexually abusing her' and reported him. He had to spend $3k on an attorney, was fired from his job, and later found to be 100% innocent. And all because a very inexperienced young person 'thought' she saw something she didn't and felt 'compelled' to 'do the right thing'.

There is a very, very fine line between 'doing the right thing' and making absolutely sure you have ALL the facts before trying to ruin someone else's life.

Get rid of her. And best of luck
mally1 Apr 2020
Absolutely agree! I wouldn't be able to stand her in my home now, would always be waiting for the other shoe to drop.....

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BarbBrooklyn Apr 2020
The aide recognizes the fact that your mother is a vulnerable elder; she is dependent upon the people she is living with for shelter, food and the like. There are many reasons why your mother might not feel comfortable contradicting the explanation that was given.

As mandated reporters, we are taught to err on the side of "call it in" and let the professionals sort out the details.

At least in my professional situation, just to get the reporting agency to actually take a report, you need to have a great deal of persuasive evidence.

If you want to switch aides, fine. But don't do it because the aide was doing her job as she's been taught to do it.

vegaslady Apr 2020
Good grief. Get rid of her. Fire and evict her. ASAP. Make sure current restrictions in place now allow an eviction in your city/state.

Sunnygirl1 Apr 2020
I'm confused between the allegations of the bruises vs. the comment on sexual abuse. If CPS came, then why does that indicate any report regarding bruises on your mother?

How old is your daughter? It seems she must have felt comfortable with the worker to have offered that comment. As a mandated reporter, I'm not sure how the worker could have justified it if she didn't report it. She sounds honest to me.
Also, if the state is paying her, I'd explore all details about that, before you terminate. Also, explore how you renting to her is impacted by the law. I'd actually get a legal consult about it.
goingcrazy62 Apr 2020
The CPS came because of the aide reporting the sexual abuse questions that my daughter had. The bruising was on my mother and was reported to APS.
The state is paying a local agency who, in turn, employs the worker.

We have had a friendly relationship with the aide. She knew that my daughter is in therapy. I feel that she should have mentioned her concerns to me about my mother's bruise and what my daughter asked her. Perhaps I'm wrong? That's why I posted here. I feel betrayed by her.
FloridaDD Apr 2020
Of course get rid of her as soon as you legally can.  The state will find you someone else.   Tell DD that aid is not a friend of the family and do not speak to her.

BarbBrooklyn Apr 2020
Going; The aide is a mandated reporter. She is trained NOT to look for the "what ifs" but to report.

It appears as though there is a lot of blurring of boundaries going on in this relationship with the aide.
goingcrazy62 Apr 2020
We no longer allow our children to go into my mother's apartment when the aide is here. I know that she has to report to the hiring agency things like bruising, bedsores and the like. However, my mother gave an explanation about the bruise.
Debbie17 Apr 2020
Wow, that is a tough one. If you have an otherwise good relationship and if she does a good job with your mother. I would probably keep her. Perhaps you could try this... thank her for her diligence and concern in keeping your loved ones safe. She will appreciate your understanding and continue doing a good job. She will be relieved to know that you are aware she was only doing what she thought she needed to do to protect them. Keep an open dialogue going with her everyday. Ask her if she has any questions or concerns daily or frequently. Good luck.
goingcrazy62 Apr 2020
Thank you for your suggestion. I was looking for 'how' to approach her. She does not know that I know. The words you suggested are great!
GardenArtist Apr 2020
How old is this aide and how much experience does she have?  I'm assuming she doesn't have children if she's living in your home?

I think she was way out of line to get involved with your daughter and report her.   If you do keep her, I'd have a very frank conversation with her and establish boundaries that don't include your daughter's concerns.   That's beyond the scope of her employment.

I'd also give her an eviction notice and get her out of your house.    Not to be critical, but I can't understand why you would want this person in your house, especially after the complaints she made.   Is she manipulative?  Manipulating you?  Who raised the issue of her living there?

Get her out ASAP, but do so in compliance with your state's eviction proceedings.  And be present when she packs and leaves.

Even if you do keep her on as an aide, allowing her to live in your home opens you to so many potentially undesirable situations.  What if she wants to bring her friends over?   Do you want that kind of traffic in your home?  

I suspect there's more going on here, including the possibility that the aide might not have been able to get employment through an agency and defaulted to the State.   Just my opinion, but I'm not convinced that a state agency would  be as competitive and choosy as a private sector company would be.

Also, exactly what ARE her responsibilities as an aide?  I'm assuming that finances are a concern and that's why you've gotten a state aide as opposed to a private sector aide?
goingcrazy62 Apr 2020
She had already moved in to the basement apartment before any of this happened. There is a separate entrance, so we do not have to have contact with her unless we go into my mother's apartment when the aide is working.
Yes, there is a money issue which is why we are renting the basement apartment.
This is her first job as a healthcare aide, although she claims she took care of her in-laws (she's newly divorces) Yes, she is manipulative and a know it all.
At first I thought the renting to her was a "God-send" especially since the COVID -19 has resulted in a 25% cut in my husbands pay. Now I'm not so sure.
Isthisrealyreal Apr 2020
After reading your responses, get her out of your life in every aspect. That she is manipulative and a know it all tells me that you are going to have a rodeo getting rid of her.

Talk with legal counsel and find out how to do this so she can not have any legal recourse to fight you.

Personally I don't think I could be civil to anyone that just traumatized my little girl further. I would not be a pleasant adversary in that situation. She could do untold harm because she thinks she is the smartest person in the room. She just made it unsafe for your daughter to ask questions.

Her doing this seems like a power play, so be very careful dealing with her. If possible record interactions, never be alone with her and make sure that you change all the locks if she has had access to the keys.

You won't have any problems renting the space out. People are always looking for a single room at a livable rate. This arrangement gives her to much access to your family's personal life and she has abused that.

Protect yourselves and find out how to get rid of her. Remember that if she gets fired she probably won't be paying rent, so plan your steps wisely while keeping your eyes on her. This sounds malicious.

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