My 91 year old Mom has mild dementia and she has a toxic friend who manipulates her behind my back. What should I do?

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bethny58 Asked April 2020

My 91 year old Mom has mild dementia and she has a toxic friend who manipulates her behind my back. What should I do?

My 91 year old Mom has mild/moderate dementia and has lived with me and my family for the last 8 years. She has a toxic friend who is 20 years younger than her. Her friend is very manipulative and turns my Mom against me. This friend went so far as to arrange for my Mom to go to an assisted living in another state where she lives. I have blocked her friend's number and have asked my Mom to please not to call her anymore because she is a bad person, but she still calls her. I do everything for my Mom but she doesn't appreciate it and all she does is complain to this friend. And then this friend uses the info against me to bad mouth me and my Mom doesn't see how toxic she is. This "friend" has never had to take care of anyone her whole life.

Alzheimer's & Dementia Family Caregiver Relationships

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score 1 · Answer 1

In early stage of Dementia reasoning is no more. The ability to appreciate and empathy too. They become self centered. Their world becomes smaller. Why do they seem to pick on the one doing the care? I don't think that will ever be answered. Maybe because the roles reverse and they know that.

Have no idea how this friend could get her into an AL without financial info. And personal info. Is there a way you can program Moms phone that when she dials this woman's number it comes up busy or just rings?

Hopefully as Mom worsens, she'll forget how to use the phone.

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score 1 · Answer 2

bethny, I'm not sure I understand: you say your mother lived with you the past 8 years but somehow this person arranged for your mom to go into assisted living in the state where she lives? Did she do this right under your nose while your mother was in your home? Maybe you are not recognizing your mom's cognitive decline, based on some of the info you provided. If your mom has short-term memory issues or dementia, it would explain why this all appears to be "toxic" and "against" you. Please provide more info so others can give you better answers.

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My 91 year old Mom has mild dementia and she has a toxic friend who manipulates her behind my back. What should I do?

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