Mom has moderate stage of Alz, within last 2 month her husband passed then her younger son. She does not know but asks for them. What to do?

Wow! Losing a husband and son in a short time would be devastating to even the healthiest and strongest of us. Do not tell her of her loss. It would most likely be catastrophic for her (and you!) All of the comments below are great. As the disease progresses you will have to become more and more creative with your responses. I love the "at Graceland" comment. As AnnReid said, her truth is not your truth (reality). Learn to place yourself in her reality. Become educated about AD. A great book to read is "Learning to Speak Alzheimer's". And don't get hung up on so called "lying" to her. We've all told our children about the Easter Bunny and Santa. We've all "fibbed" in our lifetime. We've all heard the phrase "the truth hurts". It's especially true when talking to someone with dementia. So validate THEIR reality even at your expense. The goal here is to have THEM live out a life of dignity and peace.

My mother in law died in October after 70 years of married. My FIL knows she is dead; we had a small graveside service which he attended. But still, when we see him, he talks about how they went downtown for a corned beef sandwich or something, just the other day. He lives in memory care; she was there with him before she passed. She is buried at Graceland Cemetery. She is in a family plot that they used to regularly visit. Graceland is a beautiful cemetery with gorgeous grounds which is one of those places that has tours of famous people's gravestones. So they used to go visit several times a year when the weather is nice. So one day, when we sat down at a holiday meal with him at the facility, my FIL said, "Where's Helen?" Wondering I guess why she had not joined us. It came out of nowwhere and I am one of those people who just cannot do the therapeutic lie so I froze. My husband said, "At Graceland". And FIL was totally satisfied.

Don’t let yourself get hung up on the IDEA of TRUTH. Her “truth” is now progressively altering from hour to hour. It is NOT the facts that you know about her or her life or her relationships.

What comforts her is HER truth. Please don’t torment yourself by thinking that SHE thinks that her situation is ”heartbreaking”, because she doesn’t, and you, in YOUR fact based memories, are working through enough already.

If she is grasping that her husband and son are in pleasant, comfortable places, that really is what she needs.

You are doing the kindest and most loving thing by helping her to find peace with what you tell her that actually supports her own thoughts whenever possible.

They went fishing, golf or something? Did they ever travel together? Therapeutic white lies to protect her. They will return later, tomorrow, in a few days?

I agree with the comments below. The few times I let it slip to dad that mom died, it was like he was hearing it for the first time. The confusion because she was just here. Then upset because she’s not dead. He just saw or heard her. There was one time he actually challenged my answer when I said that mom was in the kitchen cooking dinner. I’m a lousy liar. My brain froze and couldn’t answer back fast enough. He got mad. I learned and made sure I had ready answers (note plural). I don’t recall reading here on AC of someone whose parent challenged their answers. So, I wasn’t prepared for it. =)

Tell her that they're at the store or asleep or somesuch. Do not tell her the truth. It will do no good and just upset her.

Support those thoughts that she has about where they are. No need to upset her with the truth. I’m sorry for the loss of your family members. As her disease progresses, the memories will fade.