Since the Covid19 pandemic has come into the states, the elderly have had it tough. My grandmother tested positive last Thursday a day before her 99th bday at her nursing facility. I didnt hear anything for a few days till 2 days ago when they called me at work. They said she hasn't been eating and dehydrated with a rapid heart rate. They were getting my consent to do DNR if she goes into a cardiac shock. I couldn't give them any form of answer. They gave me the consequences if they do resuscitate her that her sternum would crack and will be on feeding tubes due to her age. They then called me once I left work telling me they sent her to the emergency room trying to rehydrate her. Then again at 9pm they called again asking if she had a living will. So yesterday I contacted both attorneys so they explained to me everything as I was preparing. Today the doctor called me again so they told me she hasn't responded to anything as of eating they are doing all they can but it seems its her time to go its either she's gonna be on feeding tubes or let her go naturally, it's my call meaning she could pass on at sometime next week. This is the hardest decision I have to make ever in my life.
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These options presented to you are to choose or decline invasive & painful treatments to try to extend life. If you do choose feeding tube/cpr if required, there is no guarantee these will actually extend her life. Or if successful for what time period. And of course at what quality.
I think the Doctors have to ask these things - to try to follow people's wishes if they can. It is often to ensure painful or invasive treatments are NOT given when the person was against them but I can see how it could look like being asked to choose to withhold vital care. Does that make sense?
Based on her values, what do you think your Grandmother would choose for herself?
If your grandmother had a DNR in place, that has power over anyone having to make that decision. If it is stated in her will, you must honor her decision.
Those days of "passing away, surounded with family by her side..."
Gone. Along with many freedoms we are accustomed to. Sad. I hope you will be able to accept her decision as closure. The weight was not for you to bare. *(sp) Barevement is your next step. God Bless.
99 is a damn good run, let her go in peace.
Be extremely careful with yourself. Keep us updated. We are here for you.
I am sorry you are going through this. The covid is very hard on the elderly. Grandma has lived a long life and has you to know and love for many years making it even harder for you to let go.
Resuscitation could likely break bones which would be very painful for her. A feeding tube could cause significant pain that will only prolong her pain and discomfort. Has hospice been consulted? They would not only help grandma , but also you deal with all of the emotions you are feeling.
No one should die alone. Or forgotten. I am an Eldercare provider. Hospice. Hard, but my heart was all in. This work is not for everyone. Sometimes, not even family members.
Joann said she’s lived a long life. A feeding tube will just delay the inevitable and most likely wouldn’t improve her qualify of life. I think it’s time to bring in hospice and make her comfortable. Again I’m so sorry.
I am so sorry. She is 99 and has lived a good life. You may just have to let her go.