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Letlovegrow143 Asked April 2020

I need advice!

I've been taking care of my mom for 4-5 years. She basically required 24-7 care . She is able to sit up with help, she isn't able to walk, drink, eat by herself. It was getting overwhelming, so I thought about this for a little time and put her in a home in the same town but with the coronavirus they aren't allowing visitors. So they have this one phone call "FaceTime" a week and everytime I've talked to her she is telling me she is not okay! And they are just leaving her in the bed. She didn't look so good when we FaceTime. So I talk to someone and they said she is probably just trying to adjust. It would be different if I could see her so I could know what's really going on. This is so hard I just need any thoughts on it. I have nobody to talk to and its just weighing heavily on me.

CaregiverL Apr 2020
Talk to Head Nurse & her personal CNA to make sure they take her out of bed so she don’t get the pneumonia & bedsores. Tell them she needs hoyer lift. Even if she stays in her room quarantined, she should sit up in chair if it’s safe for her & if she can support herself. If not then make sure they are turning her every couple hours to avoid bedsores. Don’t regret placing her ...it was smart decision as her needs are too much.
Hugs 🤗

lealonnie1 Apr 2020
It's very important to fact check EVERYTHING your mother is saying about the care she's getting in the care home. My mother lives in a Memory Care Assisted Living place and I can tell you that her stories can put hair on my chest...........IF I didn't know that she's prone to enormous exaggeration and downright lies. Even before she had dementia, she lied like a rug. Nowadays, it's gotten to the point of ridiculousness. So I call and fact check ALL the time. Sometimes she's telling the truth, but rarely. Make sure you're speaking with someone who actually cares for your mom and can give you updates on how she's really doing. I highly doubt they are leaving her in bed all day long..........that just does not sound right. Is she able to sit alone in a wheelchair without help?

Call over to her home and let the charge nurse know that you want regular updates, that you will be calling a lot to check on how your mom is adjusting, and to see if she's eating, etc. That you WILL make a pest of yourself if necessary, because your mom is your #1 priority. In other words, you're not a pushover and won't just curl up and go away if they don't return your calls.

Wishing you the best of luck!!

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NeedHelpWithMom Apr 2020
I’m so sorry that you are struggling with this. I don’t know what to tell you to do. I’m hoping others will be able to offer hope and advice for you.

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