Hello everyone!
My mom is 85 and currently in a rehab center that she went to on March 15th due to some falls and dehydration and medication adjustment..upon her last few days of being able to come home March 28 she got a fever and was tested pos for the corona virus...thankfully she’s had pretty mild symptoms but has had two more tests and they remained positive. She is about to be tested for the 4th time and I pray it’s negative & I can get her out of there...my question is she currently lives in a independent living facility for the last 3 years and has been falling and getting some mild dementia. She can’t afford assisted living (were in Michigan) and I was seriously thinking about relocating her and myself to a large condo..but of course she is saying “I like my apt”..😞 and I feel SO GUILTY....because I didn’t wanna ever have to move her but it’s always been an income thing..I’m just wondering if anyone has been through this or has any suggestions? I am the sole caregiver her daughter I’m 49 & not married and have a brother who is POA and I’m medical POA (guardian)And he doesn’t have a clue who she is or what her needs are....if I leave her as is then it’s constant caretaking for me driving 20 miles one way and 25 min drive.....& I’m sure she’ll need to relocate at some pointe..I’m just trying to simplify
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DO NOT mix your money with mom's money if she needs Medicaid in the future you will have one h3ll of a time trying to separate the funds and proving to Medicaid that your money is in her acct!
I would not move mom in with you unless you have no choice because before you no it you will being doing more work then you ever thought is possible; furthermore, I would not live with my mom if I wasn't her POA for financial and Medical!
Think long and hard about this decision and read through some of these post about adult kids living with their LOs!
Just my 2 cents!
I agree with PP about co-mingling funds, but would add I would never allow parent to live with me permanently unless I had airtight caretaker agreement in place (and preferably I should have POA, not brother). It seems to me he is oblivious and you should be reimbursed for what you do. Even though you indicate she does not have much money, there can still be family fights over it.
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If you use any of her funds to pay for a large condo you could be in trouble if she ever needs Medicaid in the future.
Are you physically and mentally equipped to care for her? Can you pick her up when she falls? Are you prepared for bathing and changing her nappies?
If you do this, you need to charge Mum a reasonable rent, she also should be paying her portion of the utilities, groceries, fuel for your car as you will be driving her all over.
A caregiver agreement can help to cover some of your costs for providing care, taking time off work to driver her to appointments, etc. If you need to hire help, Mum should be paying for it, not you nor your brother.
If taking her in means you will have to stop working, no do not do this, you have your own future to consider.
IMO, moving a dementia patient in with you is a terrible idea.
Tall to your local Area Agency on aging about what resources are available to mom
And reach out to your brother. Get him on conference calls with the rehab so hears THEM talk about what her needs are.