How do I keep my sanity and my temper when mom refuses to bathe?

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Cowdiva Asked April 2020

How do I keep my sanity and my temper when mom refuses to bathe?

I am sole caregiver for my 83 yr old mother. I am 64 and my husband is 71. We have been taking care of Mom for over 21 years since my dad died. She has always been obstinate . She also lies to suit her needs. Now she has early dementia. She always finds a way to go to emergency or go to hospital and eats up all the attention when she's sick. She is bucking me when it comes to her care plans. Now she refuses to cooperate with me about bathing. She is incontinent and has frequent UTIs and she smells when she doesn't bathe regularly or right.

Alzheimer's & Dementia Bathing Refusing Care

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score 0 · Answer 1

How do you bathe her?

I had a walk in shower done for Mom with bars. (not something u have to do) She had a shower chair. I kept the room warm. She would sit on the chair and with the hand held would wash her down. Then soaped her up, and rinse her off. I had her stand holding on to the bar with her back towards me and I would wash her behind and spray water to clean private areas. I would quickly dry her off and dress her in the bathroom where it was warm.

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This is absolutely what she has. Walk-in shower, seat, grab bars , turn up heat to keep her warm. But . . . . . This is where her attitude kicks in. Some days she will go along with me and no problem getting her in shower. Most days she looks at me and flat says "No! I will not!". Or she finds an excuse like her hips hurt, or she feels wobbly ,etc. All ploys to get her way. She came out of hospital 3 months ago and went to a wonderful rehab to build up her stamina ,leg strength, upper body strength. We have nurses and therapists that come out. Depending on her mood she either will or won't let them help her in the shower. She loves her therapists and does whatever they ask, except bathe . We are trying to now get a person from their company to help her bathe . I don't know, may work. But they can only come for a few weeks then we are right back to square one.She is incontinent and MUST shower or sponge batheveryday to keep down UTIs and odors. She will NOT let me bathe her. I stand right there next to shower and have to remind her to use soap. Same when she washes up. I try to give her a little privacy, but I'm right there at the door. She then lies to me and tells me she has used soap when the soap is dry. I have told her doctor and all if the nurses and therapists . Our biggest arguments have been over this subject.

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score 3 · Answer 2

I would tranquilize her and then bathe her. People are afraid to give these people tranquilizers or sleeping pills but they shouldn’t be because sadly the parent is going going to get worse. My husband’s mother had full blown Alzheimer’s but he was lucky with her. She was like a happy little toddler most of the time. My friend’s father had Alzheimer’s too and he wasn’t nice and would argue, fight and was hateful. They have to be given some strong to keep them to sleep at night and something a little lighter for daytime to calm them down. I could see people saying don’t give them heavy drugs because it might hurt them if the person was going to better but they aren’t. They will get a lot worse and then die.

Helpful Answer (3)

You DO have a way with words. 😁

Never give an elderly person (or anyone for that matter) medication without a prescription.

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score 4 · Answer 3

The next time she is in the hospital, please have her sent to rehab and then transition her to long term care.

Why did she come to live with you when she was 62? That's awfully young to require a caregiver.

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score 7 · Answer 4

Facility. 21 years of in home caregiving is 21 years too long.

Helpful Answer (7)

Lol!!! You are right ! 21 years of in home care IS 21 years too long ! We have been taking care of her meaning we are the daughter and son in law that take care of her house, car, doctor etc. 3 years ago WE built her a small house in our property so I could physically take care of her as she declines. She has just been diagnosed with dementia. And her already testy independent nature is rearing it's ugly head and she knows how to push buttons. I'm learning that bathing/showering is one of first big obstacles btwn caregiver and parent.

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How do I keep my sanity and my temper when mom refuses to bathe?

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