Covid 19 nursing home visitor restrictions; how are you coping?

Same as other posters. Sis in nursing care since corona began. She does not understand what is going on why I can't come in or why we can't go out. She sees staff with masks but can not put 2 and 2 together-I explain to sis a very bad flu is going around. I was able to "watch" sis do PT. A positive experience for her-I think-to be doing something anything besides crying all day long.I took a white board and wrote simple words. Yeah, good job. PT lady read to sis-claps and thumbs up-sis smiled. It helped me to see her doing something positive. I tried using 2 phones to chat with a big window separating us at the facility-was difficult as she would not hold next to her ear, would cry and needed a tissue and no one to assist. The dr. recommended a med that finally finally is helping with the crying-started way before the move to new place. seems to be helping so far. Sis even smiled at me last PT day-i was able to snap a pic of her-i have that to hang onto in the meantime. PT is concluded so no more window PT to watch. Covid cases in my area slowing down-none in her facility-i am glad for that-many others aren't so lucky. Governor says there will be phases-up to the facilities to move along at their own pace for allowing visitors after all residents and staff have been tested. I think it will be a while longer-age, physical problems, etc. are more challenging for residents so I expect a high level of caution going forward for all the right reasons.

I have lived this situation since March 16. Not being able to oversee dad's care at hospital and later at skilled nursing facility now back at hospital has had its terrible consequences.
I will not trouble you further with my predicament. I would rather offer you a possible solution. Buy yourself a gophone for your father. 40dlls. LG phoenix at Walgreens. Have facility set it up permanently for you to have a permanent virtual window to your father's bed. Through an app called DUO. A two way window. Simple. Which is pre installed in that phone.
If the facility has Wi-Fi. Your father will not run out of data streaming. The plan is for 15 or 25 DLLS. Prepaid. You can also buy one phone for yourself. So you as well can keep your virtual window open. You could have it pointing at anything if not at your self. Even better a tablet for you and or him to have a better view.
I have just set this up....although nurses don't comply with kerping it pointing at him. They are too busy. I have been able to see him while having his lunch and dinner. It has made a world of difference.
I have even left the phone on to see how he sleeps.
This is bittersweet but I do feel better making sure he is responsive and eating. I have even noticed he is not being turned every 2 hours. So it helps to sense what is going on de facto although virtually. I even noticed the food tray was not placed in front of him but sideways for him to have his spoon long distance travel to make it to his mouth.
So a permanent window is the best solution I came up with. Even if we don't chat....we look at each other.
The first few times He believed I was in the other room beside him because he saw me so close. No harm done. I am virtually next to him.

the facility where my grandmothers been had almost 50 test positive,3 sadly have passed on since then, she hasnt eaten or taking any medications since

I hear what everyone is saying. I am also in the same situation as all of your are in one way or the other. So far no cases as I know of at the home my mother is in. I thank God for that, for the patients and staff. Even though I miss my mom If this is keeping her healthy ok. COVID-19 is hard on the body. As we understand this virus is hard on all of us. The patients, those that are fighting on the front line of this horrific disease as well as the survivors. She has been through enough. Sometime she knows what is going on sometime she does not understand. But at the end of the day I know she is not on a vent, she is not in a ICU unit trying to stay alive. My heart breaks for all of us. But my mom always said "this too shall pass" And it will. We must find peace when life get overwhelming and we don't now what else to do for our love ones. When I get very sad I think of the times we made each other laugh our talks the times we have lifted each other up. She said "If God brought you to it, He will see you through it". Psalm 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God". I hope these thoughts are going through her mind as I write this, because It is always going through mind.
Be strong!
ktsmom

I understand completely. My husband also has Covid 19 and can’t use the phone we have a Facebook portal intoo don’t know when we will be able to visit. I guess they don’t have time. I just call often to see if someone can say he’s ok.

I hear everyone. My parent is in AL. I also can't see her through the window. But the aids can, the hospice nurse told me that mom is more comfortable when she "doesn't " wear a mask. Are you kidding me? The aids don't have to wear masks in the hall like germs cannot travel into open doors of the residents rooms? They say mom gets frightened to see the mask, but I have been to her window in the past wearing a mask with no problem. Is there something wrong with this picture? Or am I just delusional

Ooooh, I nearly cried ..... this is the saddest thing about this virus - the isolation it causes for people with Dementia who can't understand why ..... I cry in my heart every time I read something like this. My own Mom is also in an Alzheimer's Home ...... no cases yet, and not isolated either. And they still have a lot of activities for them. My heart breaks for each and every one of you ♡♡♡♡♡
IF you can, and if possible buy something for your LO to keep them busy (e.g. Old time music DVD / CD for the home to play for everyone, knitting & wool, crocheting, or easy puzzles. Even a baby doll - some Love it ! I shop in the children's Toy stores for my mom. Then drop it at reception at the home, if it is possible).

Stay strong, we are all in the SAME boat, the whole world ! (We are in South Africa). ♡♡♡

I am in a similar position to cyndiew, as my 85-year-old mother (who is a covert narcissist, probably depressed and possibly with cognitive decline, so wasn't happy before coronavirus) is in AL where the staff have shut down all activities for residents beyond a food takeaway service even though, as thepianist says, no resident has had the virus and few go out, so it's unlikely it would spread round (they are all in separate apartments). My mum won't have any digital means of communication and dislikes using the phone, won't read books now and won't even reply to letters; in short, she has basically given up on life and is existing rather than living - though to be true she was more or less like that before lockdown, and her total reliance on us was becoming a real problem for me emotionally as we have never got on. But my mum is physically tough, so could go on like this for years, as her own mother did. I have to admit I am really enjoying the break from being responsible for her; we take round parcels, magazines, photos of her great-granddaughter, etc. in an attempt to cheer her up a bit, but I dread what will happen to her mental state if she has to stay in lockdown for months - and to mine if we go back to how it was before.

My son and his wife thought of filling a box with home-made food, puzzles and drawings, etc., but is worried the police will arrest him for an unnecessary journey if he takes it there, even though visits for caring purposes are supposedly allowed. Jeremiah71 is so right.

My Papa is in Rehab, heading to Long Term Care. The facility locked down the day after he got there. We last saw him the day we moved him in. He has Parkinson’s, is almost blind and extremely hard of hearing - which makes FaceTime and window visits frustrating for him. He asks daily to come home, for now we’ve told him that he can’t until the virus lockdown lifts. We are hoping he comes to accept life there a little better.

His facility hasn’t had any cases of the Coronavirus. I feel so bad for those who do. Peace and strength to everyone here.

I placed my Mom in AL November 2019 . Mom lived with my husband and me for 6 years prior. My husband is a stage 4 cancer patient so he is high risk for COVID, as is my Mom, who has lots of underlying health conditions. It's been 2 months since the quarantine in AL and I rarely get to speak with my Mom on the phone since she is very hard of hearing. When I have spoken to her, she is her usual optimistic self, saying she can't wait until my visits (every other day) resume. I don't have the heart to tell her I don't know when that will be. Mom's apartment faces an inner courtyard in the AL, so there is no window that I can access to see Mom. My Mom actually adjusted nicely to AL and enjoyed the activities and interaction with fellow seniors. I am so torn. I want to see her again and I am tempted to bring her back home until this pandemic is over. But I don't see an end in sight! We have a "Get America Back to Work Again" plan. I am waiting for a "Get Our Seniors Back" plan. Confusion and loneliness for our loved ones is unsustainable. Yes, we need to protect our loved ones from the virus; but, I'm afraid the loneliness and isolation will destroy the quality of the life they have left. I have no answers and I feel the pain of all my fellow caregivers. There are so many of us out there.

How heartbreaking your plight is! I, too, have the problem, albeit, somewhat different. My 100 year old, bline, Mother, who has dementia, is in assisted living. She can't dial the phone to call me, so I call her every day or two. She can't see so we cannot use Facetime. The assisted living admins won't let her come down to first floor for a face-to-face window visit. So I have to stand outside her second floor window and smile, wave, and yell up a few greetings IF I can get an aide to go up to her room, where she is confined, and get her to the window, etc. She has nothing but her talking books to pass the time. She can't even work her TV anymore. She just sits in her chair all day, or she sleeps all day. It's tragic!! Now they say this could go on for two years. What are we to do? I wish I had some answers for all the folks who are stuck in this situation.

I totally sympathize with you. My mom does have dementia and can communicate on a certain level. Although she is in a memory care facility, my sisters deciding this not me, I spent 9 + hours a day with her seven days a week. I knew what she needed before she did. She calls me and wants to know why I’m not there with her. What did she do to make me stay away? It’s heart breaks thinking about her being stuck in her room all alone 24/7. That would drive a normal person crazy!!! I think if we took proper precautions we could visit at least once a week. The staff goes in and out daily. I just think it’s unfair to our loved ones to spend this time in their lives alone. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

This is a growing problem people aren't paying enough attention to. My mother's home has been in lockdown for nearly two months. No one has had the virus yet (reportedly): no residents, no staff. So why don't they arrange more activities for residents to get together with each other? After all, it is very unlikely they will catch the virus from other residents if all the residents have remained virus-free. There is quite a bit these long-term care homes could do to alleviate the boredom and isolation, and they are not. I think they are putting their own convenience ahead of the welfare of residents. I think they want to maintain their positive "statistics" above all.

I am glad your husband is a survivor. It may be months before we have a vaccine available to all. In the meantime, you are quite right that FaceTime and other video chats make it hard to see nonverbal communication. If they won't do "window visits," have you considered changing facilities or bringing him home with home health care?

My situation is just about identical to yours, husband with Parkinson's in a nursing home, barely able to communicate by phone, etc. The huge difference is they have a wonderful staff who do all they can to keep us in touch. So I go to the window once a week and we "talk" on the phone in between even though our conversations don't make much sense but at least he knows I'm thinking of him. Can your husband still read? I've written my husband simple letters that he can look over whenever he feels like it.
The entire situation is heartbreaking I know, but I try to accept it as it is, knowing I have no control whatsoever and whatever will be will be, as cold as that sounds. It's the only way I can stay afloat during these awful times. I'll be thinking of you and wishing you peace.
Francine

So Sorry to learn about your husband's situation.

How about people who absolutely refuse to do any internet for fear of stolen ID or low income, no stubborn exceptions? Limited communication makes more isolation and stress. My late mother did only phone and snail mail, but back in 2014, I could visit her. Because she slept 20 hours daily, family and staff check in visits were vital.

My heart goes out to you! It is very hard and we have to hope it is all explained to them adequately or that they understand enough to know we can't see them just now. I think it is a great shame the facility won't let you visit through the window. Have they given a good reason for that?
My mother has Lewy Body Dementia, when I ring she is always asleep or not up to it. The home has 3 covid cases but have been quite transparent so far.
Best wishes at this awful time.

I am so sorry. My mother is in a nursing home. She had dementia and is quite delusional so it's not easy to Face Time or have zoom meetings because she doesn't really get it. The last two times I cut it short because she was negative and irritable and confused. It's a small facility -- there have been no confirmed cases. I don't think this nursing home lock down/social distancing is going to end with the general "opening up of the country"again. Plus, a Fall 2020 resurgence is on the table. While I might be able to see my mother off and on by the end of the year, COVID-19 is here to stay for another couple of years.

I have had no communication with my dad since his lockdown. Just recently we learned of 4 positive cases, one who died. Evidently a staff was asymptomatic. They have tested all the residents and are waiting for the staff results. Tomorrow my husband and I will go as part of a team of family members planting flowers in their courtyard. Only two family at a time with masks on. I will be able to see my dad as he watches through the window. I hope he knows me and i wont be too emotional when I finally see him. I know he hasn’t had his hair cut in 3 months so it will look a fright!! I and my sisters send him cards but he doesn’t talk much anymore so we never talk on the phone.

No easy answers, I'm afraid.

My mother's memory care facility has started something called GrandGrams which are a way to email your loved one as often as you like. My mom also has macular degeneration and can't see to read the emails, but they read them to her and send me photos of her holding the emails. We attach pictures of everything from the grandchildren to my garden, to the cat (LOTS of cat pictures!).

Perhaps you can ask if your husband's place will consider setting up something like that.

No answer here just understanding. This is terribly hard.

No answers here, similar frustrations. My mom's dementia continues to get worse, she's not adapting to the situation at all. She moved to Assisted Living a couple of weeks before things started to lock down in early March. We do a Facebook Portal video chat multiple times a day, but by evening she sundowns and doesnt know where she is, starts looking for her mom, or children. She tends to go out of her room. But recently got some concerning info. On April 29th we were informed that a staff member tested positive. On May 2, I was informed that this person had brought my mom her meds, so she and others would be in isolation, no one comes in, and if they need to like to take temp, will be wearing, mask, gloves, goggles, and gown, and they make her put a mask on when there enter. This will go on until Wed May 6, since apparently that is the end of 14 day. This has freaked my mom out because she doesnt understand or remember what is going on. Half of our video conversations are of her sobbing and pleading with me to call her mom to come and get her and asking about her dead husband. Its heartbreaking.
They offered a free covid test that they will do on Monday. It's no wonder that some places have had issues if they dont try to test people who have had contact with an infected person until 10 days after that person gets sick. I dont think it's the facility fault, testing and results from testing are horribly inadequate

Once that's done, I'm going to bring her home with me. It's going to be hard, but I'm afraid she's going to stroke out or something with the stress and anxiety she's exhibiting. They upped the dosage on her anxiety/sundowning meds but I'm not sure that's helping. They've already informed people that if they leave, they cant return until restrictions are lifted, but who knows when that will be????
We moved her there as a compromise I would have a little space for me in my life, and she would have more mental stimulation and exercise than she was getting at my home. She just doesn't have any hobbies, her thing was people watching, socializing, and church. None of which she has now. I feel like I've put my mom in jail in solitary confinement.