Grandma is 87. I live overseas. She has no family left in California. So I'm the only person that calls and checks on her. She forgets that I'm now 36 and argues with nurse on a daily message . They call me which is around 3:30am my time and ask me to calm her down. I'm happy to help but are they meant to call me everyday when her confusion gets bad? I'm usually then on the phone with her for 45 mins to 1 hrs. She will argue and argue until she gets tired and gives up. I tried to speak to the administrator for advice on how to proceed from here. She made a comment that they need the bed anyways as she is Medi-cal patient and if she doesn’t want to stay there then the bed can be used for someone else. I'm so confused. Grandma has no family there. She can’t live on her own either. I'm constantly worried and scared that the NH will discharge her or send her to the hospital as the administrator mentioned that.
I can’t even fly there right now due to Corvid. Feeling so helpless.
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I often tell myself that I won’t answer the call but I start feeling guilty and worry what if it’s an urgent call and she is not well or something. I know I need to be more stronger . I m just really struggling right now .
They cannot discharge Grandma. Without family there they can't discharge her safely. The only thing I can see happen is to tell them you can't be the responsible party. Living overseas is making it hard. Ask if there is a way for the Court to assign a guardian.
The first time they called me at 3am, would have been the last. As said, this is the staffs job. She needs medication for her anxiety. The facility has a doctor associated with it. I would talk to the Director of Nursing and ask if there is a medication they can use. Its just a matter of the Dr. giving the order.
I would also ask that the staff be made aware of the time difference between CA and where ur. Give her the times convenient for you using CA time. You also would appreciate only emergency calls. Calming her down is not one of them. As her Dementia progresses, this may go away.
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Demand that she been seen.
She is in a skilled nursing facility. I went to visit her in September last year and she was not well . She was living with her sister at that time who was not well too and has since passed away . I took grandma to the doc and she was evaluated and the doc said she was suitable for snf. I don’t live there ofcourse didn’t know about memory care . I extended my stay until I managed to find a bed for her in snf.
The nursing home asked me to the be the responsible party which I agreed to . There is no one else that could do it . I m really confused what I can do and what I can’t do. Grandma signed the documents too and I signed as responsible party .
You may have to speak with a doctor or social worker and ask what THEY can do to help you (being out of the country) with grandma so she can get the proper care she needs without constant phone calls. Be persistent! I've been there too.
Best wishes.
Good Luck
Are you her medical POA?
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