Hi. I'm 21 and the primary caretaker for my grandmother with Alzheimer’s and have been for 3 years. I try to be good and set high expectations for myself in taking care of her since it's primarily just me and I'm not in a position for caregiver assistance. But, I feel so worn out constantly. I've gotten to the point that I don't even spend time with my grandmother. If I'm not tending to her needs, I find myself in another part of the house and I hate that I do that because she feels isolated. She never was social that I can remember, but she was always with her husband (my grandfather) until his death, so she's used to always having someone by her side. She's in a wheelchair and doesn't navigate herself anywhere so generally don't worry too much about her getting herself into something dangerous.
I want to spend most of my time with her like I usually do, but I think about her impending death and how scared and confused she feels and then I distance myself because of how scared I am that one day, she'll be gone. I just want to be good to her like she was to me growing up. What should I do? (sorry if this was a lot to read!)
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You are a very magnanimous person for dedicating yourself to her, but as her condition worsens, you won't be able to care for her anymore, so do what's in the best interest for both of you... get her the care she'll require and the peace you'll find in knowing that she's cared for.
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Your grandma will continue to decline, cold hard fact that you already know. Are you ready to care for her when she needs equipment to help transfer her from bed to chair and back. Do you have a house that is able to accommodate wheelchairs, equipment and the like?
Is there anyone else that can take this on or is it all on you?
You need to step back and at this point in your life take care of you. It is not selfish.