I don't know how to get these bills paid or how to make my brother leave when he violently threatens my mom if she tries to kick him out. I know she's afraid of him.
My mom is 76 on SSI & is diagnosed bipolar schizophrenia. I'm her daughter 51 my brother is 56. I've been caring for my mom since I was a kid. My brother has never been stable working and living on his own so he lives with mom in her apartment of 35 years.
The last couple years, my brother hasn't worked much. Going from job to job. Always borrowing from my mom saying he will pay her back, but doesn't. This is a pattern for him. My mom only gets $950 a month.
I didn't know how badly he had buried my mom financially until a year ago when I found out she had 6 payday loans outstanding & my brother bullied her into helping him rent a car saying he would drive for doordash the only way to pay her back was to work for himself. Only he was wasting time everyday not working. This went on for weeks always needing more $ always promising to pay back. He damaged the rental car, didn't tell mom, lied about having insurance & returned the car with the cash to pay for it. He did not. They charged my mom's debit card 1,300 on May 1st 2019. She was overdrawn. Called me in tears didn't know what to do & my brother was not going to pay her. He'd taken his money & rented another car. Since I couldn't help & my brother didn't care, mom applied for $2,500 online loan at 134%. She had to pay the car and the $1,000 in payday loans.
She and I both tried to make him leave but he bullies and threatens she can't kick him out. Then in February the last straw.
My brother logged into mom's AT&T account to pay the bill he told my mom. Now he had the password. He has a phone mom pays for. His girlfriend was supposed to help pay the bill. They changed the contact number to him for text alerts.
He and his girlfriend ordered 10 new lines with iPhone and iPad. They texted him to verify and emailed my mom the contracts. When she was asleep he unlocked her phone, opened her email and signed the contracts and erased her email. He got the devices when they were shipped to my mom's. They sold the devices and now she has to pay over $16k because AT&T said it's not fraud because he knew her information. What can I do? I want to be able to get my brother out of her house and not have to pay all that money back.. Advice?
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Concerning PoA: it would be very smart to have your mom create this legal paperwork for the eventuality of needing help from you when (not if) she becomes incapacitated physically and/or mentally. No one knows when this will happen, so she should do it asap. You can read on this forum all the posts by distraught children whose parents slid into dementia without assigning a PoA and the pointless grief, work and destruction it caused. PoA is only in effect when she can no longer make decisions in her own self interest. It is very possible that in a weak (or demented) moment she may actually be convinced to make your brother her PoA (again, lots of posts on this forum regarding that dumpster fire). If this happens then she (and you) are s.o.l. Please tell her that if she doesn't get her legal ducks in a row, she will make caregiving -- an already difficult job -- needlessly more difficult. Also, you should be helping your mom to lock down her sensitive information to protect it from abusers from within the family and outside: her ssn, checkbooks, atm/debit cards, bank info, passwords, cc's, insurance, titles, medical, etc. Determined people motivated by greed, addiction, or whatever, will work really hard at getting at other's money/property. YOU are the one in the position to help protect her. It may seem overwhelming but just work on things a little bit each day, starting with getting your brother removed. May you have great success! Let us know how it goes.
Also, if you know all the details of how he hacked your mom's phone/email...why don't you take this to the law? Is your mom protecting him? If so, she is part of the problem. Your brother is robbing her. He broke the law. Treat it as such.
I totally agree with bolliveb to stop paying the bills and don't care about her credit score. I had my in-laws stop paying their ballooned mortgage that they couldn't afford and let their home go into foreclosure. If your name isn't on any of the credit cards or any loans she may have, then yes to crashing it all and put a stop to your brother. I wish you much success in protecting your mom now and into her future!
CAN I GET A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST HIM AND GET HIM OUT NOW?
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Call the police and report everything. If your brother gets arrested, get a restraining order and don't allow him back into the house. He can figure out his own situation and leave you both out of it!!
Your mom needs to call the police about the apple products. I'm willing to bet the reason the phone company said no fraud is because she refuses to to file a complaint with the PD. She is enabling him, and then calling you when everything implodes on her. That's not fair to you. She knows she doesn't really have to put her foot down with your brother because you are always there to "fix" things, financially. You have enough going on in your life - you sound like a genuinely caring and giving person. But, unfortunately, it seems like your really being taken advantage of, all the way round. Have you been able to put any money aside for YOUR retirement/elder care?
Sometimes you have to resort to tough love - " mom, I'll help you pay this, but you have to call the police and report this". If she's scared, she can get an order of protection. As someone else said, call APS as well, but I suspect they're going to advise you to make a report with your mom's local police.
Good luck, I hope you can find a resolution to this terrible problem.
Why are you responsible for her debt? You say you don't want her to lose her apartment of 35 years. How much do you pay per month to support her? (You say you pay her rent and food and everything else.)
You are here to ask us how to make your brother Jeff leave, and also how to not have to pay all that money back.
Are you POA/HCPOA for your mother?