My mom just moved into assisted living at the beginning of March and the facility has already said she will need to be moved to the memory care side as it will help her thrive even more. She was doing great at the beginning and enjoying the activities and meeting new people even though her memory came and went of who they are. All the while she kept saying this was a trial period for staying and we full knowing that she was not going back to her home to live. We kept assuring her that she would be able to go back to her home to go through things and then COVID hit and she has been in her room. She now says each time you talk to her that she is ready to go home. My question is, now that we are in the process of getting her home ready to sell, do we wait and allow her to go back (not knowing when she will be able to leave the facility) to go through the house one last time and let her know we are selling it? We know she will be very angry as she believes she is going back home to live and she believes she is the one making all these decisions independently.
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My own Mom [98] was in long-term-care and she would mentioned wanting to go home. At first I thought she meant going back home to where my Dad was still living in their home. Turned out I was wrong. My Mom was referring to her child hood home. When she asked to see her parents I quickly had to make an excuse that I knew she could relate. I told Mom "they are visiting the old country", and that worked until the next time Mom asked.
You can start out saying "the road is closed for repair" or use whatever you think would work.
I agree with the other writer, do NOT take your Mom back to her house for a visit. When my Dad eventually moved to senior living, not once did I bring him back to his previous house before it sold. But then again, he never did like that house, but my Mom liked the place :)
Going home for her is more likely a state of mind or feeling, it doesn't mean that exact place in her condition right now.
You will just be putting yourself, her, and whoever else is involved, through a weekend of unnecessary grief and turmoil for no good reason.
You would only be doing it for your own guilt or need for closure; think of the reality and what would really happen if you went through with your plan. I know you think it's for her, but it's not going to help her. Not at all. Thank you for reading and considering this information.
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Do not tell her that you are selling the house.
If she needs MC, obviously there are some serious issues and she will be upset yet not totally understand the issues, etc.
Just tell her some vague answer to her requests/questions, change the subject and move on.
Good luck!
When the question of going back home to live comes up, tell her that she's where she's at under doctor's orders. That she needs the care the ALF is providing, and that when her doctor says she can go home, THAT is when you will consider it. Until then, she's safe and sound right where she is and change the subject. No need to mention you sold the house or any such thing. Treat dementia with kid gloves.......say only things that create happiness and harmony. They already have enough anxiety and confusion to deal with, and that's the truth.
My mother has lived in Assisted Living since 2014, and now in the Memory Care section although she's still pretty lucid, most of the time. Every once in a while, she'll say something about 'Oh I'll do that when I get home' or something to that degree. When I remind her she IS home, she'll say how 'sad' that is. She likes living in AL, so I'm not sure what it is that's so 'sad'. Probably that her house was sold, or that she's not living with me and my DH (which is not an option), or just who knows? She has to have something to dig at me about at all times or she's not happy. I'd say that's part of her dementia, but in reality, it's just part of her personality.
Wishing you the best of luck with a tough situation.