Should I allow mother to sit in wet /soiled briefs?

Maybe you could impress upon her that this will up cause skin brebreakdowns,infections just go at it with the hole 9 yards and tell her the cure will be long,painful and arduous. You could try a possible last ditch attempt saying this is very unsanitary and makes people want to avoid her.

I'm guessing she is wanting to be in control. That she does not like any incontinence being pointed out & so will deny it. Refusal is a common way to keep control.

That's exactly where my Mum is. Refuses incontinence pants, refuses to go if anyone suggests. Has good control most of the time but will deny an accident & deny a need to change.

What to do though!

Have you seen any of the Teepa Snow videos on youtube? I'm not great with links so try Teepa's website if doesn't work.

https://youtu.be/I9OlDFL-FkA

It may be possible to coax?Don't discuss the accident, just suggest putting these comfy pants on instead. Is her answer always no? Maybe offer a choice of these pants or those pants? So she has the power of the decision?

Sometimes I have just taken her to the bathroom & started the process & she just went along before she remembered to refuse, then she gave up as we were already started!

Incontinence pads for the mattress & wheelchair would make life easier.

I think the nurse would have seen this before & has had to just give up & focus on what she could do (a good barrier cream once a day).

Good luck.

Your mother should not be allowed to stay in urine and feces. She is not mentally competent and is making poor decisions for herself. She needs family to step in and make sure she is getting the care she needs. My mother does not like us to wake her every three hours to change and reposition her during the night, but as caregivers it is our responsibility to make sure she is clean and safe. If your mother does not allow anyone to help her, it might be time for Memory Care. I think the nurse was wrong advising you not to stress over it. It is a problem, and can lead to UTI's and other health problems.

There are body suits, similar to a baby's onesie, that fasten in the back and can be used to prevent someone from removing their briefs. No rinse soaps can be used to wash her each time a brief is changed to reduce and largely eliminate the smell. Exhaust fans to exchange the air helps too, as well as air filters often used by those with allergies.

You are definitely not only with this problem.