Compensation for full-time care of your loved ones; What are your thoughts? What are your stories? Want to hear both sides- for vs. against.

As Geaton said, first thing I would get is the POA for financial and Medical. I would not care for someone without them. Its been posted on this forum that one person does the caring and the other person is holding the purse strings. The POA does not give them enough money to live on.

My Mom couldn't compensate me because she had a house that her income went to to keep it up. My Mom was basically easy to care for and lived with me 20 months. I was not a caregiver. My house was not conducive to caregiving. So I placed Mom in an AL and later when the money ran out a nice NH.

As said, if the relationship was not good before caregiving, it probably won't be after. If there has been any kind of abuse, physically or mentally, then don't caregive. Don't be enabling or disabling. If capable of doing for themselves, then have them do what they can. Boundries are a big thing. Set them from day one. What you are willing and not willing to do. Do not promise you will keep them out of LTC, you never know what will happen concerning their health. And consider all the options before you take on this task. "We want to keep Mom in her home as long as we can" sometimes is impossible. It means either living with them or running yourself ragged going between two houses.

If the person needing the caring has money, use it. Either you get paid or they hire caregivers. No one should give up their future for a LO who wants it their way. If a person has a family they are priority. If a person is fairly young and has a good job, they should not have to give up credit towards SS for a LO who can sell a house and go into an AL, IL or LTC.

There are people who make great caregivers. No one, even the great ones should have to care for someone 24/7. Stop and think before you take on this task.

My mil moved in with me and my disabled husband for the last months of her life. It never occurred to me that we should be compensated but someone else in the family (a lawyer) handled her financial matters and said that we should be. He sent us a check each month. We never asked for the money but we were grateful to receive it. Yes, I gave up more of my daily life BUT unlike you, I did not have to deal with threats or criticism or financial control and I was never treated poorly by my mil. It was a privilege and blessing to have had those last months with her.

Much good insight from experienced caregivers has been offered to you. Just my 2 cents to gently remind you that if you have a spouse and children who are your immediate family, they are your first obligation, no matter what the seniors want or expect. Very clarifying comments about treating their caregiving like any other full-time job: have boundaries and a written contract, don't accept poor treatment, get compensated at fair market value. If they expect you to manage any financial or medical affairs, they should give you the legal authority to do so, in the form of durable PoA. Anything beyond that is what you choose to do for them out of love. I wish you all the best as you find the right answer for you!

Who is the "Loved One" ?
In general spouses do not get paid for caring for their spouse. This is changing a bit, the VA is paying spouses to care for their spouse, started first, I think, with Desert Storm and may go backward but that may take a while. Check with the VA.
Parent, sibling, other relative? I think any caregiver should be compensated for the care they give. This is one of the VASTLY unrecognized groups and it should be taken into account when the cost of health care is determined when "they" give a figure.
How to compensate is another question.
A contract should be drawn up. It should include all the details you would have for any job. What you do, Hours you work, I would include what you will NOT do. And in this case, caring for someone that will decline and not get better the contract should be able to be reviewed every 6 months. AND you can elect not to renew the contract. This would be the time to request a pay increase.
Threats...
Being treated poorly...
Physical harm...
Emotional harm.
These are all NOT acceptable and would be cause to break the contract or elect to not renew the contract. This should be included in the contract at the beginning.

You do not "give up" your life. Treat this like you would another job. You worked at your other job for 8 hours a day you do this 8 hours. Then you go home to your husband, your kids. Someone else will have to care for your loved one when you are not working. Run errands when you go out for yourself.
You should not be spending more time with the person you are caring for than you are with your family.
If there are no other caregivers and this person needs more care than you can provide in 8 hours, or it is unsafe to leave them then other caregivers must be hired or the search for a facility becomes necessary UNLESS you are willing to either ..
move this person into your house to care for them
your family moves into this person house so you can care for them
BUT in either of these situations another care giver must be hired because you can not do everything for your loved one and for your family and you can not do it 24/7/365. So since another caregiver has to be hired anyway unless you can tolerate it and your family can tolerate it separate residences is best or a move to a facility that would be appropriate for the level of care that is needed.

I'm firmly in the camp that believes in being paid for care, but there are caveats to my position. IMO caregiving does not include the little things people do for each other from a sense of love and family - I came home on weekends for years to visit with my mother and to take her to do her shopping and I gradually took over all her banking and bills, I was never compensated for that and I didn't expect it. When it became clear she shouldn't live alone anymore I decided to give up working and move in - that clearly was impossible unless I was compensated. For us this was doable because I didn't have any other family obligations and I wasn't giving up a high paid career, most people aren't in my position so the cost both financially and to their other relationships would be too high.

Caregiving is extremely difficult even among those who have had loving relationships based on mutual respect, I would never recommend that anyone whose family relationships are now and always have been challenging take on this role.

Much depends on the quality of the relationship that you have with your loved one. From the types of questions that you posed here, I have a feeling that things aren't all "peachy keen" in your situation. If that's the case, no amount of compensation will be enough to pay for the emotional toll that caregiving can exact.

Thus the big question is, "Is it worth it?" You may end up giving up more than you may get in return. Money can't buy happiness, nor can it buy back bitter or wasted years.

I think generally you are going to find answered here that there is no compensation for a spouse. That is basically expected. If it is a parent there are contractual agreements that can be drawn up. I haven't done any of this but have seen this question asked alot. I am sure others will help you.