Must borrow money, and plan for mom's care. Any thoughts?

Sorry, but her assets should be used for her care until they are depleted, then the taxpayer can help pay for her care.

None of her money should go towards paying your bills. Pay them yourself.

Sell her house and put the proceeds into a trust for her and her care. Whatever is left upon her death becomes inheritance. If she outlives those proceeds, she can apply for Medicaid. No one is entitled to an inheritance. And I also have never heard a good thing about RMs.

tekguy, I strongly encourage you to invest in a consult with an elder law attorney who specializes in estate planning and is well-versed in Medicaid. I totally agree that your mother's assets should all go to cover her care. I also agree that I've never heard anything good about a reverse mortgage (my philosophy is to not invest in something you don't fully understand); also, do not pay off your debts with the proceeds from her house sale as this may impact your mother's ability to qualify for Medicaid, should she need it (and many people need it -- even ones who think they saved up enough). In my state the Medicaid "lookback" period is 5 years, so anything she does with her money (including "gifting" it to you to pay off your debts) with 5 years of her application will be closely scrutinized and could disqualify her when she needs it most. Don't do anything until you meet with the attorney.

I would like to gently suggest that you are somewhat romanticizing your mom's future aging progression. For this reason I do not recommend you buy her another house. You will be the one propping up the pretense that she is independent when in reality you will be orbiting around her needs for care more and more with each passing month as you struggle to maintain another home. Also, she will be isolated there by herself. Even if she is socially engaged now and even drives, you will be amazed at how quickly this can all come to a screeching halt. Please research some good quality Independent Living communities that have transitional care into Assisted, Long-term, Memory and hospice. This is not to "warehouse her" but to help meet her growing needs while keeping her socially engaged and sharing her supervision with qualified professionals so that you're not taking on all of it by yourselves. Please read more on this forum, as it will be very informative and eye opening for you. I wish you all the best in moving forward!

When dad fell & broke his hip, I had to rush like a crazy woman to liquidate his assets to PAY FOR HIS CARE (and my mother's care) in Assisted Living. Not to pay my bills or to figure out a way to hide that money so I could apply for Medicaid and have the taxpayers pay his bill.

That was in 2014. Dad died in 2015 and my mother is still alive at 93 and living in Memory Care Assisted Living. Their hard earned money will run out in 2021 and THEN I will apply for Medicaid to finance my mother's new life in Skilled Nursing. When Medicaid does their 5 year look back, there's nothing to hide and no fraudulent activity to discover. All that will be revealed is that ALL of their money went towards paying for their care.

I've killed myself over the years to make sure I didn't spend any of their money and to make sure it would be extended as long as humanly possible, because that's the right thing to do. My father was an immigrant from Italy who worked his entire life so their 'retirement' could be handled properly, thank God. I am an only child and forever grateful they had the funds to keep them well cared for in AL for 7+ years.

I have not heard a single 'good thing' about RM's, so my thoughts are tainted on this.

An elder care lawyer would be your best bet to guide you through the process. You do not want to come out in 10 years or so and find you've made some horrific financial decisions.

Does mom want to protect her assets so she can leave her kids an inheritance or is she planning on using her money for er own care? It makes a huge difference in how you plan for the future.

I wouldn't attempt this move w/o legal aid. You won't want drama now or when mom passes or requires higher levels of care.

Good Luck with this!

Her house should be sold, proceeds to trust to pay for her care, not to pay any of your debt. Reverse mortgages are simply moneymakers for the people who broker them and for the services of the mortgage.

I'm assuming you're aware that reverse mortgages are also reversely amortized?    That's a primary factor and consideration for planning, especially if you ever want to sell the house subject to the mortgage.

tekguy, glad you came to the forum FIRST before moving ahead with different ideas. You received a lot of excellent answers that need to be taken seriously.

Reverse mortgages are only good if someone with money wants to take equity out of their home to buy investments that have a much great return then the interest rate on a Reverse Mortgage, plus fees.

Mom’s money is for Mom. Not to be protected for inheritances. Why should taxpayers pay for her care when she has assets to pay her own way. It’s also not gay your debt. Pay your own bills.

Your mother should sell the house which is too large for her needs and her ability to keep it up comfortably, buy a property that suits her better, and keep the surplus from the sale of her house for possible care costs.

If there's any left over after she passes - may she live forever - then good luck to you. I'm sure she hopes there will be, and I respect that as a natural wish in a parent; but you don't have the ghost of a right to expect the state to fund or subsidise her care while she's sitting on cash reserves or property assets.