How do I tell my mom she has to go to a nursing home? I promised I would keep her home. I want to see her but will not be allowed to.

Let your brothers and sisters take her. If you go, you will probably be in tears, and that is not a good start in settling your mother down. Practice with her on the telephone and Skype or one of the other phones-with-cameras, so that she is used to it before she leaves. It takes a while to get used to the idea that the person you see is there in real time, and it may help if you can bob in and out during the call. Blame the doctor for the move, it won't hurt him or her. Let your mother know that the care is hurting you, and that she will be helping you by making the change - that might help her to be brave. Do the best you can for her, and for yourself. And be brave yourself.

I wish when parents got to a certain age, someone told us if they need 'the promise' make it "I promise to look after you as best I can" instead. Our best may well have to include NH or memory care as part of a long caring journey.

Would a short stint for respite work instead? Say 4 weeks? So you get a break & can research more in-home options? Her needs may exceed what home care services & family can now do.

If so, then do what must be done. You are still caring for her, just in a different setting. It won't feel like it until the restrictions are lifted & I get the fear of leaving her feeling abandoned. I suppose working with the staff to find what you can do? Window visits, video calls? Limited time in person visits.

Back to the broken promise: one idea is put the blame on some other authority? I want you to stay home too but The Doctors feel this is best. Bit sneaky but maybe? (We blamed the broken hip). Or blame Covid!!!

Hopefully if you can find a way to rewrite some of your thoughts, you may feel more at peace: Less I broke the promise & more I kept the promise as long as I could. Less I feel guilty for needing time off & more having my own needs met will make me happier, healthier & better to care for her. No guilt please for 'failing her'! You have NOT failed. You are lovingly arranging MORE care, in the MC accommodation + visits from caring family.

Call her every day & tell her you love her. Be kind to yourself ❤️.

You are making the best decision for her care. That is what matters.

Wow! 99! You have done amazing keeping her home this long! Yes, it is time for a break. You are doing what is best for her, most times promises to keep them home do not work. Does she really need a nursing home or would assisted living/memory care work? This could be very good for her as there are many activities and friends she would make. Keep her busy, well fed and well cared for.

Have you visited any nursing homes or assisted living facilities? They usually are not the nightmares of the old times. Most of them do a very good job.