I am having a difficult time with my mom when it comes to changing her. She screams and stiffens up throw herself around.
Not sure if she can walk or talk. She only speaks when my brother comes around for 15-30 minutes . She screams dirty words at me. That is the only time she speaks
Are you changing her in bed or standing in the bathroom? Given that she stiffens up and throws herself around it might be best to change her in bed. Can you give her something to hold while you change her? When rolling her to remove brief and to clean if you are rolling her to her right side take her left arm and have her hold on to a bed rail or the side of the bed. That will more easily allow her to roll to the side. When it comes to the other side take the right arm and bring it over and have her hold the other bed rail. When you roll to the right or left place your hand on the shoulder and hip and help her roll, or best use the sheet to help roll her this way there is little pressure on the body parts it is even pressure the length of the body. Even as she is screaming at you talk to her in quiet tones and tell her everything you are going to do before you do it.
It's so difficult dealing with the later mid to late stage dementia patients where they can no longer communicate effectively with you. Is it possible your mother is in pain? Some osteoporosis patients break bones without a fail. My mother has some issues with painful joints from her arthritis and osteoarthritis we address with whirlpool baths, iced compression wraps, and mostly OTC anti-inflammatories and pain medications. Some days Mom pops up and uses her walker to navigate to the bathroom. Sometimes she stands and tells me she can't make because her knee hurts too much.
We can get into habits of care giving focused too much on getting a particular task completed too and sometimes ignoring the person; this is especially easy when the senior is no longer communicating or acting like the pre-illness parent we remember. I try to make sure I touch my mother in enjoyable ways as much as possible. Following a daily bath or wash up, I apply lotion and massage it into her skin getting every attention to areas where I know her arthritis is painful. I try to talk with her. We may have the same basic conversation about the weather and how it will impact what the kids will be doing every day for a month, but she feels better and is easier to care for when we have those conversations. Sometimes when she's tired I'm mostly talking to her, but I think it still matters.
I think when Mom expects your touches to be pleasant, it's easier when tell when something is hurtful even when she doesn't verbally communicate it. If she has something painful you are not aware of, it's possible some movement during changing her is painful enough she is resisting changing because of it. Your voice continuing a monologue during changing could also be calming.
Unfortunately dementia often affects word selection too. My father's speech became filled with vulgarities. I'm sorry your mother is yelling hurtful things at you, but please remember a lot of them are likely dementia driven and not really her fault at this point.
I'm sorry you and your mother are having such difficult days and I hope you find some of this helpful to your situation.
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Given that she stiffens up and throws herself around it might be best to change her in bed.
Can you give her something to hold while you change her?
When rolling her to remove brief and to clean if you are rolling her to her right side take her left arm and have her hold on to a bed rail or the side of the bed. That will more easily allow her to roll to the side. When it comes to the other side take the right arm and bring it over and have her hold the other bed rail. When you roll to the right or left place your hand on the shoulder and hip and help her roll, or best use the sheet to help roll her this way there is little pressure on the body parts it is even pressure the length of the body.
Even as she is screaming at you talk to her in quiet tones and tell her everything you are going to do before you do it.
We can get into habits of care giving focused too much on getting a particular task completed too and sometimes ignoring the person; this is especially easy when the senior is no longer communicating or acting like the pre-illness parent we remember. I try to make sure I touch my mother in enjoyable ways as much as possible. Following a daily bath or wash up, I apply lotion and massage it into her skin getting every attention to areas where I know her arthritis is painful. I try to talk with her. We may have the same basic conversation about the weather and how it will impact what the kids will be doing every day for a month, but she feels better and is easier to care for when we have those conversations. Sometimes when she's tired I'm mostly talking to her, but I think it still matters.
I think when Mom expects your touches to be pleasant, it's easier when tell when something is hurtful even when she doesn't verbally communicate it. If she has something painful you are not aware of, it's possible some movement during changing her is painful enough she is resisting changing because of it. Your voice continuing a monologue during changing could also be calming.
Unfortunately dementia often affects word selection too. My father's speech became filled with vulgarities. I'm sorry your mother is yelling hurtful things at you, but please remember a lot of them are likely dementia driven and not really her fault at this point.
I'm sorry you and your mother are having such difficult days and I hope you find some of this helpful to your situation.
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