I’ve posted before about Papa: he has Parkinson’s, is almost blind, very hard of hearing and has chronic back pain. Now we can add CHF to the list of things wrong.
He went into Rehab with the idea of permanent placement. We told him he had to stay. Of course, he had a fit. He yelled he was leaving (which earned him a WanderGuard lol). He was going to hire a lawyer (but he couldn’t remember any of their names). Then he was going to stop eating and drinking, rather than stay where he doesn’t belong. But he started to calm down a bit.
But there is a *itch in Physical Therapy that has become close to him. She told him that it was solely our decision that he had to stay, ignoring the fact that his three doctors all want him there. So she threw us under the bus. She also told him that he legally doesn’t have to stay there .
To say I am angry is an understatement. Now he says he’s leaving as soon as the swelling goes down in his legs. I doubt the swelling is going to go away, since it presented at 92 years old, but you never know.
So his mind is still pretty sharp. What do we tell him now?
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So the nurse said his talk of going home is a moot point. He is unable to walk, even with a walker, due to the swelling and pain. And she feels this is a permanent condition. He also has no memory of the CHF incident which was just last week, so that’s an issue too. So from now on we just change the subject and move on. Thanks for all of the advice from everyone! This group of people is amazing!!
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When you say that his mind is pretty sharp.....it makes me wonder, because, if he was thinking clearly, he would see that he needs care and that he can't get that by living alone. His threats to starve himself don't sound rational. Poor judgment and lack of insight into his condition could indicate cognitive decline. His doctors may recognize this. I'd stress my concern for his mental state.
If he decides to leave, then how would he do it? Call a cab? The nursing homes that I know require a home care plan. How would he arrange that? How feasible is it that he would be able to get his house handicap accessible, reserve around the clock caretakers, etc. without the family's assistance?
I'd explore keeping him happy, but, providing the protection. When the person is irrational and not capable of reasoning, our options are limited.
I would also wonder "how sharp" he actually is. Dementia and Parkinson's go hand in hand. You may ask for him to have a cognitive eval. You have 3 doctor's on your side. Dad needs to realize that he now needs help that you cannot provide. (Saw where u have some health problems too) He can no longer live safely on his own.
Either you're right, and it doesn't happen, only in a way he sees the sense of; or he does get fit and well enough to return home. Can't see anyone losing out from this solution to the conflict.
The b1tch in PT is right, by the way: legally he doesn't have to stay there. But I, like you, am assuming that this is in fact what she told him and not merely his convenient interpretation of what she may have said in response to what he talks about to her.
I would think this would fall under the social services dept., not physical therapy, for crying out loud.
Second, you tell Dad that unless the doctor signs off on his going home he is staying put.
Third you make it abundantly clear in writing that any discharge would be an unsafe discharge and there is nobody at home to provide any care.
Lastly, Stand firm in your resolve. If Dad brings up going home, tell him the doctors have to sign off, if he does not leave it alone, then end the conversation.
2. Is there a social worker who can talk to him?