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ChristinaSmith Asked June 2020

I need some advice on how to deal with my Grandmother. She has raised me from the age of 8 months and now I'm taking care of her.

She has always been overbearing and highly critical but now it is to the point of emotional abuse. She tells me on a daily basis that I'm worthless and a fat slob. Keep in mind that I'm the one who does all of the cooking, cleaning, etc around the house. I take care of her aging dog that has never been potty trained and I clean up after her all day. She goes into my room and bathroom daily and screams at me because it's not clean. (Not a speck of dirt or dust found anywhere.) She constantly deems my hair to be hideous and the way I dress to be ugly. She says I need to wear makeup because I have too much acne and that I do nothing around the house. I cannot move out either because at the moment I'm paying for college (around 4000 dollars a semester.) She also claims that I don't pay for college which is what pisses me off the most. She claims me on her taxes because she "takes care of me" which means I cannot get any financial help from the government to help me pay for my tuition. (I have 2 jobs and I pay her rent/buy my own groceries.) Is there any way to deal with these issues? I cannot talk to her about this because she always plays the "victim" and it comes back to bite me later. How can I deal with all of the things she does? I feel like I'm going to go crazy.

Daughterof1930 Jun 2020
You can’t change grandmother, she’s had a lifetime to develop her habits and anger. The power you have is to change you, how your react and interact with her, and hopefully your living situation. Consider moving sooner than later, paying that rent to rent a room, getting roommates, whatever will work to get you a peaceful home life. In the meantime, go grey rock on grandmother, it’s a technique, google it. Don’t argue or interact with her, don’t defend yourself. Make yourself scarce as often as possible. No one deserves abusive talk, so minimize the times it can happen. I hope you find a way to move soon, it’s time for someone else to be responsible for finding a plan for grandmother's care

pamzimmrrt Jun 2020
OK, so she raised you from 8 months, and she dosent like how you turned out? Remind her SHE raised you! Then tune her out! If you don't engage.. she may give up.. Are your parents still around? maybe its time to turn her over to them,, can you move home? You pay her rent, so I hope you have your own room.. hole up there and let her stew. I am glad you are going to college so you can get out one of these days.

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lealonnie1 Jun 2020
It sounds like either your grandmother is suffering from dementia/Alzheimer's, a personality disorder, or that she dislikes having you living with her. Have you ever asked her why she treats you so poorly and what you could do to make her happy? What bargain perhaps the two of you could strike where you can get along?

Some people are like oil and water together, like my mother and myself for example, which means that our living together would be a torture chamber for both of us. So I would never consider it, no matter what! Truthfully, I don't think there would be anything I could do to 'fix' the woman if we WERE living together, so I have no idea what you could do in your situation. Living with verbal abuse is emotionally draining and not something anyone should be subjected to for any length of time.

If you absolutely have to live with the woman, try to figure out what you can do to make her stop treating you so badly, if anything. If you can't, then I guess you'll just have to grin and bear it until you CAN move out. If you're paying her room and board, can you not find an alternative living situation where you pay someone else the same amount of money each month but have less stress and aggravation to deal with? Maybe use headphones so you can drown out what she's saying to you.

Your post sounds familiar to me.........like you've written similar questions before under a different user name? In any event, best of luck!

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