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Peacefuldays Asked June 2020

Only child estranged. Need advice on who can take care of finances.

I have an only child that’s estranged. I am 60 years old and need some peace of mind for the future.


Who would be the person or firm that would take care of my finances once I can no longer do that myself?


Thank you for your suggestions and advice.

Peacefuldays Jun 2020
Thank you to everyone who posted their wonderful advice. I truly appreciate it. ❤️

Isthisrealyreal Jun 2020
We have a certified elder law attorney that will be our DPOA and HCPOA in the event that one of us is unable to help the other.

We chose this route to avoid family conflict and to ensure that OUR WISHES we honored.

You can go to www.nelf.org and find a certified elder law attorney near you.

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Geaton777 Jun 2020
Peacefuldays, a trusted friend could work, but only if they are significantly younger than you and plan on living in the same area as you when you need them most, which is pretty unpredictable. As Alva posted, you are young now, but in 20 years your friend will be as old as you and they may be in worse shape. IMO your best bet is an elder law attorney who belongs to a larger firm. This is because there will be more oversight. A single attorney working for him/herself has no accountability really. Who would know if they were taking advantage of you? Answer: nobody. I hope you can find a solution that gives you some peace of mind!
Isthisrealyreal Jun 2020
We wrote it in the trust that the DPOA would be audited annually by an independent CPA. This creates a check and balance to ensure that they are not violating their fiduciary responsibility.
medicaidmaze20 Jun 2020
I just went through this with my own parents. I was actually backing myself out of their business and was quite comfortable with where I was with it-my mother can drive me insane as soon as I come in the door. Parents were having trouble will bill pay for years-just can't keep up with all of it any more. Mom never did balance the check book in the first place. Mom hands over bill pay to GD-who does quite happily for years to come for an hour and collect a big check from mom for her time. along comes covid and GD going to have a baby-mom hands off to son who is a leach to put it mildly-and complaining to my parents how much they spend on food-which mom put her foot down and put an end to son writing checks. So that left yours truly. I looked into a agency to do the bills, CPA and so you guessed it I am the one doing the bill pay for free. I was afraid she would ask a caregiver to do the bills or something else that would be completely whack. So I have to do. I can do from home. not that big of a deal actually=peace of mind. It was a real pain to get passwords reset-had to be at their house and have parents talk to bank to convince bank all was on the up and up with me handling their bills.

Mysteryshopper Jun 2020
Definitely a trusted friend can work well for this.  Just be as sure as you can that a good friend is also a good decisionmaker and generally manages his/her own affairs well.    The elder care attorney will have some ideas for you in terms of what they have seen work for other clients in the past.

Grandma1954 Jun 2020
With AlvaDeer's information you can also contact an Elder Care Attorney to draw up the Trust's that you will need.
As she states a bank can act as the Fiduciary as could the lawyer.
If you have a trusted friend that would work as well.
Do you have someone that will act on your behalf for Medical decisions?
A POA for Finances as well as Health is something to also consider.

Peacefuldays Jun 2020
Wow! This was extremely helpful. Thank you.

I am a visionary so it helps that I can see what it may look like down the road to feel comfortable with it. I do agree I’m a little young to be concerned but understanding the dynamics of this relationship I want to be sure I have it in the forefront as I begin to plan in the next five years on how I’m moving forward.
Isthisrealyreal Jun 2020
Peace, you are wise to be addressing this now. None of us know what tomorrow holds. It os a great idea to have your affairs in order.

I have had all of my EOL documents prepared since my mid 30s. I think every should be prepared for the worse case scenario.
AlvaDeer Jun 2020
60 is VERY early to worry about this. I am 78 and am hale and hearty and taking care of all my own finances.
The answer to your question is that you would need a Trust drawn up, and that when the time comes you should have a licensed fiduciary to handle your finances. This person is required by law to act for you in helping any needs you may have. Paying bills and investing monies are only two. Often your Bank can give you good suggestions on where to look.
There are many people without family who require this help. My bro's best friend has had a fiduciary for many years now. They are paid for their work our of your own finances.
But for many years you should be able to manage on your own, considering where best to live in terms of stairs, the amount of space you wish to clean. There are good independent living facilities in many areas. Form friendships with those who have common joy in whatever you yourself enjoy. Friends are a great resource, because often enough when one is strong the other could use a bit of help and vice-versa. Good luck.

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