I Live in South Carolina. Mother in nursing facility in Los Angeles with Advanced stage four cancer. She has No will. I am not listed as a beneficiary and obtaining a POA not possible due to Covid 19 and no Notary may not go into the facility. Her apartment manager wants her belongings gone by the end of the month and I do not have the resources to do so. I have a job, home and animals to take care of and live alone. No siblings. So here I sit.
33 Answers
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First
I like mrbills suggestion of having one of your mom's friends look through the belongings if there is anything you want to save. Other than that, let the landlord handle it. What else can you do?
I'm sorry you're going through this.
ADVERTISEMENT
This IS a tough one.
I believe the landlord is within his rights to ask the apartment be vacated. If the rent for the month has gone unpaid (has it? And for how long?) what else can they do? No altruism exists at a rental/mgmt company.
Senior living is at a premium these days. What if someone is on the waiting list for that apartment and has been waiting for a long time? It’s only fair to vacate your mom’s possessions as soon as you can so another person in need can have it. If it is unclaimed they landlord can put the items at the curb for you or whoever to go through, then have it hauled away.
Does your mother have a security deposit there? If so landlord will most likely have her forfeit that and he will use that $ to clean out the apt and throw the stuff out.
If you as her daughter can’t get there nor afford it your hands are tied. Sorry as this must be very sad for you.
Packing up items and shipping cost a lot of $. The landlord isn’t going to fund that. So if you can’t afford it, try to make one trip there now to retrieve any momentos you may want to keep and then shut the door and let it go.
Also, don't worry about the POA. I don't have one for either parent, and everything has worked out just fine. When the time came for my Dad, I had to sign the DNR myself, and not one person asked me for any legal documents.
As a side note, I just went to Los Angeles to clean out my parents home.
I had thought that I would wait until my mother passed away, but Covid presented a unique opportunity to do stuff like this on your own, and I really don't believe that my Mom will ever go back to the house. The house was about 3000 sq ft, and I ended up tossing almost everything with the exception of photos. We filled up two large dumpsters with 12 tons of stuff. In an odd way it was cathartic to do so much tossing. Every toss felt like a large weight off my shoulders.
I traveled across the country to pack up the apartment of an elderly relative with dementia. One of my cousins wanted me to bring EVERYTHING back. If I'd listened to my own better judgment, I would have donated almost everything and left it there! It was hauled back in a POD and put into storage. After she passed, it was all disposed of. The only things her siblings really valued were the old family photos.
Speak to a Social Services director or some other administrative type person there at the facility where your mom is and see if they can recommend someone who handles elder relocation services such as what is needed. Is/was she a member of a church there? When I packed up my aunt's apartment, she and her husband had been longtime members of a church of which they had been very active. The church had a ministry that did the very thing you have described (packing up elderly people's homes). This group came and helped me and I could NEVER have done it without them!
Perhaps you could located a church near her apartment which has that type of ministry and have them take care of it, with a special request they save and ship to you any photos or jewelry items.
There HAS to be some type of group that goes and does that sort of thing.
First if all any changes, notices etc with the landlord must be in writing, it’s the law. My sister & I live in California and she runs a property management & knows the laws. He cannot just call you and say he wants your mother out by the end of the month. He must give written notice whether it’s a 3 day notice to pay or quit because rent is behind or a notice to evict and I believe it’s now a 60 day notice to evict. He must post the notice at the residence and mail a certified copy. If I were you I would place an address change with the post office so her mail is forwarded to you. If it comes down to him cleaning out her apartment, if anything is valued at more than $250 he must store it. Remember unless you have signed paperwork you are not financially responsible for her debts. What I have learned is that the memories are in my head and although I would like to keep all of my moms things it’s just stuff. This is a very emotional and overwhelming time for you, please take care of yourself first.
And you are right, her belongings are just things, unless you have someone (perhaps a church member?) that you can ask to help pick up the items that have any special meaning to them (family heirlooms or such), then just let them go, they are just things. I'm sorry that you are having to deal with this in such a crazy time and from so far away.
See All Answers