My parent resents me, any advice?

The answer is a simple "no". We don't need all the explanations and neither does your family. Simply and gently make it clear that you are sorry, but this is not an option . Please be accepting of human limitations. Sainthood is an ugly job description in which the entire world shoots you full of arrows until you are DEAD; then they pray to you for eternity to fix everything for them. I am THANKFUL more than I can say to see the words "I do not feel guilty". That is so rare here. And for the life of me, unless you intentionally harm another for fun, or unless you are a felon, I don't see what in the world you HAVE to be guilty about. You have MADE A LIFE THAT WORKS FOR YOU.
Continue on in that world, knowing you are lucky, and staying GENTLY strong in your conviction.
You might consider, if there is a whole mess of them, mailing one form letter in which you promise you will not apply for Sainthood anytime in the future, in which you tell them that you understand they will have their own judgements about you but that you are well and truly uninterested in hearing them. That you are making a QUALITY life that works well for you, and wish them ALL good luck with doing the same for themselves. That you love them, but that you are ENTIRELY unable (as well as unwilling) to "do it their way".
Hugs! YOU GOT THIS RIGHT!

I wouldn't take her even if she pays; manipulation and verbal abuse is horrible to live with - been there.

First, I am the oldest of 4, my sister is deceased but I have two brothers 7 and 10 yrs younger. They did thank me for taking care of Mom but that was it. I can see where you are coming from. I lived in the same town so everything like Dr visits and ER visits fell on me.

You have set boundries stick by them. A very good reason...you don't have the room. You now have 3 ADULTS living in your home. All with their own likes, dislikes and schedules. I have a feeling that Mom moving in would disrupt a situation that is working well for everyone. Seems like she is pretty independent if she travels and has a home in another country. So why does she need to live with any of her children? You don't need the added stress of someone who fights with you and probably makes no bones about telling everyone what they should and shouldn't do. Your children need a quiet place where they can study and have time to themselves.

I want to congratulate you on raising 4 kids alone. And they seem to be intelligent well adjusted adults. Not easy to do when you need to work too. You need to do what is best for you and your kids. They are your family. They will go on to maybe marry and maybe have kids. You want to be involved in their lives. These are the ones who may be doing for you in your old age. Not your siblings.

You provide a long list of reasons because you know this isn’t right for you, but you feel you need permission to say no.

Don’t let others change your mind - your decision is already clear.

Any sibling who wants peace of mind can step up themselves.

You’re an adult, free to make the decisions you feel are best for your own health. You don’t owe others an explanation for your decisions. Your mother is equally responsible for providing herself a place to live, it’s not on her adult children to do this for her. Sounds like you chose wisely. Now don’t try to defend yourself to family, you don’t need to, just enjoy life with people who fill you with positivity

I'd be proud of standing up for yourself. You knew what would work for you and you set that boundary. People who want their own will over your wishes aren't being respectful. Better she be resentful and you be having a happy life than the other way around. It sounds like she's made alternate arrangements, so, I'd let her simmer down and come to terms with things. Also, some people will never be happy. Working on making them happy may be a difficult and a miserable job. I'd be relieved I didn't sign up for it. And having someone living in your home that you don't want living in your home is a horrible place to be. Just read around this site and you'll see some pretty sad situations. Mostly, people want to know HOW do I get out of this mess?

Good for you got sticking to your boundaries. You have given a great example to all of us on how to do that.

Yes, they were trying to abuse you.

What do you do now? You live your life as you wish. Don't try to connect with them (Mum and sisters), they are going to be pissy because you did not ask how high when they said jump.

I am curious where is your brother in all this? Is he not expected to step up?

Congratulations on raising strong children who understand the importance of education.

"My mother is 75 and travels a lot and she lives with 2 of my sisters sometines or alone in an apt she has in our country."

This is very telling. She is not that old yet, and still capable. Sounds like she just needs a "home base" to have a place to drop in when between travels. She can find an apartment, IL, hotel/motel or some other accommodation between trips.

"I told her I do not have an empty room. She wanted to live in the living room or garage. She wanted to help me financially too with $700."

Garage? Wouldn't a nice hotel room be nicer? LR? Where would she keep her stuff? So *generous* too - WHERE could she store her stuff and have a place to drop in periodically for that amount of money? Obviously you are fine economically, so that carrot isn't very tempting, is it? Don't bite it!

"As I stated before, I raised 4 kids alone. Now I do not want any responsibilities. Now I want to keep working to pay my bills and I do not want to worry about anything else."

That is your right and as others noted, great job raising educated responsible adults! I raised 2 from a young age myself (unfortunately the ex stuck around just to make my existence miserable whenever he could!) and also had to work full time. I can't imagine having to do the same with 2 more, although I loved having kids & would welcome more!

"My siblings wanted my mom to live with me. They said they will have peace of mind if my mom lives with me."

Sure, THEY will have peace of mind, because she'd be off their backs and out of their homes! NOPE!

"She has even told me that my 2 younger sisters are her favorite."

As jacobsonbob said, she likes them best, go live with them!!!!

"Maybe she wants to live with me because I do not have a partner."

Sounds more like (to me) that she just wants a place to go between travels. Having fewer people that she might "interact" with might be part of her plan, but more likely it's because she's already worn out her welcome with the others... You're next on the rotation!

"Now I have reached out to my mom and she says she doesn't feel like talking to me because I didn't let her move in with me."

If that's her reason for not wanting to talk to you, clearly she is SELFISH. If she weren't, she would understand.

"She says my other 4 siblings take good care of her."

Fine. GO LIVE WITH THEM!!!

"My mom is renting a room/bathroom in a private home."

Sounds like the BEST arrangement. You limited contact and after reaching out she said she didn't want to talk to you, so there you have it. Don't make contact. Maybe send her some greeting cards, Happy B'day, Mother's Day, some random whatever day, but stand your ground! You have EARNED the right to have a life of your own. The children are on the cusp of leaving the nest and you can start taking care of your needs, all the things you have given up to raise these great kids!

"I feel that all my family is selfish and very manipulative."

And you would be right. As noted above, they've already closed the gates, yet THEY feel you should open yours. Nope.

"Why do I have to be the one?"

You don't. Just because they or your mom think so, it is NOT their decision.

"I do not feel guilty."

Good. As others have said, too many DO feel guilty and are pressured into doing this and regret it. Once she's in, how would you get her out if it didn't work out? Although 2 of your boys are in rooms, she'll think the rooms are available when they go to school. NO. Between semesters, on breaks, etc, they have a right to return to their own rooms. Even if they did move elsewhere, those rooms can be used for ANY of your kids, friends, other family who come to visit. It's your place, you have every right to say who comes in, who stays, who doesn't, what your rooms are used for!

"What to do next?"

Stand your ground. She has a drop spot, let her live her life and you live yours! You don't need excuses or explanations. As many say often on this site, NO is a complete sentence!

Your last statement says it all. "Family is selfish and very manipulative." Continue standing firm! Don't be sucked into their making decisions for you. Each needs to make their own life by their own means. Your mother sounds capable of being on her own and making decisions and the right decision for YOU is not having her live with you. There comes a time when it is two adults not mother telling daughter what to do and she does it, as she has done since being a child. I had to do that in the past.

You and your sons are your family.

Do not feel bad about protecting yourself from the family you were born into. They all could have stepped up and they obviously have not. Don't buy into their manipulation. If they think she should be living with one of her adult children then let them move her in.