When you say she cries and wants out, is it only you she says this to? Have you discussed this with the staff? There are many instances where a LO will be like your mother when on the phone or visiting, but when friends and family are not there, they are participating in activities and not upset in the least! Some are actually even having a good time! I have read posts from others who on arrival saw their LO enjoying themselves, but as soon as they became aware that the person was there, Sad Sack appeared! This is where talking with staff will help you determine the course of action needed.
If the staff agrees that she seems agitated, upset or depressed all the time, then some medical intervention might be needed. They actually gave our mother a VERY mild dose of anti-anxiety during that transition period and I was never witness to any of her complaints.
Were you able to visit at all during the early days of her move? Was she like this then? Were you able to observe the "goings on" at that time (being restricted means we can't observe to know if she's like this all the time or if she seems well enough adjusted when you aren't there or if staff is doing/not doing their job.)
If you are confident in the ability of staff and they can confirm she is okay when you are not there or on the phone, I would not move her. You have to become adept at changing the subject, redirect her focus onto something that she likes. If they say she has intermittent issues, perhaps it can wait and be observed for a while longer. It does sometimes take a long time for them to adjust. 4 months isn't that long. If she is truly unhappy but it isn't the facility or staff, she may require some medication to calm her down a bit until she can adjust.
One thing they had recommended to me was to stay away for 2 weeks. I also told my brothers that I would not be joining them for the move itself. I prepped everything else that needed to be done, but figured I would get the blame whether I went or not, so why go? It did seem to work in our case - she has NEVER asked me to take her home. Anytime my YB was there, she hounded him about taking her back to her condo. Interestingly she did forget about the condo after about 9 months and would ask about the home prior to that, over 25 years before! She's into year 4 now, and I haven't heard her mention the condo or that other house in a long time now. I can tell from other statements and questions that in her mind it is about 40 years ago. Her mother (and perhaps father) as well as one sister are "alive" for her - I just have to wing it if she asks about them and hope I answer correctly or vaguely enough to satisfy what she is asking/thinking and move on to another topic!
Have you notified the director of nursing or the facility doctor about her crying and self harm? Those behaviors can be controlled. Do not move her to another facility that won't change the situation. And for Pete's sake, don't bring her to your home! Her behavior is not unusual and can be modified with proper meds.
No, do not try another place (unless there is something really wrong with the one she is in) or bring her home. Her reaction to MC is very common, and moving her will not help.
Do get her to see a psychiatrist as recommended below ASAP, but bringing her home or changing facilities will almost certainly not help.
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If the staff agrees that she seems agitated, upset or depressed all the time, then some medical intervention might be needed. They actually gave our mother a VERY mild dose of anti-anxiety during that transition period and I was never witness to any of her complaints.
Were you able to visit at all during the early days of her move? Was she like this then? Were you able to observe the "goings on" at that time (being restricted means we can't observe to know if she's like this all the time or if she seems well enough adjusted when you aren't there or if staff is doing/not doing their job.)
If you are confident in the ability of staff and they can confirm she is okay when you are not there or on the phone, I would not move her. You have to become adept at changing the subject, redirect her focus onto something that she likes. If they say she has intermittent issues, perhaps it can wait and be observed for a while longer. It does sometimes take a long time for them to adjust. 4 months isn't that long. If she is truly unhappy but it isn't the facility or staff, she may require some medication to calm her down a bit until she can adjust.
One thing they had recommended to me was to stay away for 2 weeks. I also told my brothers that I would not be joining them for the move itself. I prepped everything else that needed to be done, but figured I would get the blame whether I went or not, so why go? It did seem to work in our case - she has NEVER asked me to take her home. Anytime my YB was there, she hounded him about taking her back to her condo. Interestingly she did forget about the condo after about 9 months and would ask about the home prior to that, over 25 years before! She's into year 4 now, and I haven't heard her mention the condo or that other house in a long time now. I can tell from other statements and questions that in her mind it is about 40 years ago. Her mother (and perhaps father) as well as one sister are "alive" for her - I just have to wing it if she asks about them and hope I answer correctly or vaguely enough to satisfy what she is asking/thinking and move on to another topic!
Agree. Ask staff.
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Do get her to see a psychiatrist as recommended below ASAP, but bringing her home or changing facilities will almost certainly not help.