Dad dying in nursing home alone. We are not allowed to be by his side due to visitation restrictions. Need advice please.

I tried visiting again and he wasn’t up to coming out to the patio, and I wasn’t allowed in the facility. I totally understand the reasoning. Of course that doesn’t help with the grief I am feeling.

My immediate family and I have been following strict social distancing, Hand washing, quarantine from March 11th as we also have health issues.

Thank you all! This forum helps me get through the hard days. I know I am not alone.

The Covid-19 restrictions are lifting in many areas.
When someone is on hospice (at my loved one's facility), family is allowed to visit. The facility is still on lock down, and they have no cases. Every area is doing things differently. Statistics and what others are doing elsewhere are not much comfort when your heart is breaking. That you were allowed to visit at all is progress.

He is in a nursing home, and on hospice. You can ask hospice to increase his comfort care. You can discuss with hospice the care plan to keep him comfortable. With POA for medical, or being his only next of kin, you can perhaps contribute to the plan.
For example, there are choices at end of life. Such as feeding tube, yes or no, antibiotics yes or no, thickened nutrition to prevent choking are all techniques hospice can use. They usually choose, but as family and part of the care team, you can offer suggestions.
All is by order of the physician.

A patient can rally. Hospice can be cancelled and the patient sent to ER. Sometimes this only prolongs their suffering. It is not certain that you can be by his side if he is sent to the hospital. There are strict Covid-19 restrictions in place. If he is in ER or placed in ICU, you could not be by his side. But may be allowed to only visit briefly, if at all (due to Covid-19).
Be sure to practice the recommended Covid-19 practices for yourself. (Stay home if you are sick. Wear a mask. Wash hands for 20 seconds. Keep six feet away from others, etc.).

My advice is, continue the video calls, that can be made more often. imo. Visit if you can. I agree, being at his side is of profound importance at this time. 💔

None of us know what to do and although I brood about it constantly, there really is no comforting, satisfactory solution. Not for any of us.

Would he, and you, feel better if you had someone go to him every day or so, even if you couldn’t? Hospice will sometimes do that.

The problem of course, is that every who is dealing with Covid 19 is so horrifically busy just with caring for those patients.

It is helpful to me to know that my LO is being cared for by people who know her well and really cherish her, but sometimes I just LONG to hug her. I haven’t been able to see her since March 11, and she’s been Covid positive, although symptomatic, since then.

I have often been to the point when to prevent myself from going to pieces I would stop and do some little thing as a comfort. Music is something that really helps me to get OUT and AWAY from the pain, and so does meditation. I also think of all of us who are caregivers as a huge army of love that extends to all of us when we need it most.

Just so you know, once on Hospice, there are no hospital visits. I doubt if a hospital could do anything for your Dad at this point anyway. Hospice is keeping him comfortable. His body is shutting down. So sorry.

Thank you for your responses.

I am trying to work something out with the nursing home, but was only allowed to sit by his side for 15 minutes yesterday.

Unfortunately, bringing him to my home isn’t and option as he is in Puerto Rico and I live in New Jersey.

This is so difficult 😔

I'm so sorry for your dad's condition and your pain. This is a long shot, but is there any chance he can be brought to your house and receive hospice care there? If the doctors aren't giving him much longer and thus there are no point to treatments, maybe palliative home care is an option. I wish you peace in your heart as you advocate for him during this difficult time.

Have you asked management at the NH to allow you in? Many NH are allowing one visitor at end of life.
So sorry to hear this. Don’t give up in trying to see him. You may be pleasantly surprised.