Should it be ok to let Dad go to bed earlier than usual?

Update -- I thought everything was great, Dad didn't start the "when can I go to bed?" bit like he has been. (Instead, his daily fixation was on how long it would take us to drive back home, even though we were home.) He ended up going to bed at his usual time. An hour later, as Mom was going to bed, Dad woke up and asked if it really was 12:30, and commented that it was late. Mom said he got up and took off his sleep shirt. She told him to put it back on and go back to bed, and he did.

Fast forward to 2:45 this morning, when I got up to go to the bathroom. I saw the light on in the den and Dad was sitting in his recliner, fully dressed for the day, asleep. I debated whether to wake him and send him back to bed, but decided against it. I lay in bed for half and hour, worrying whether he might try to go outside (even though he hasn't so far), when I heard the bathroom door close.

I waited in the hall, and when he came out, I told him to go back to bed. He said no, and I told him "everybody is in bed." He asked if I was going back to bed and I said yes, so he asked, "where do I go?" I guided him to his room and watched from a distance as he started to change back into his pjs. An hour later I woke up for yet another bathroom trip (I guess I shouldn't have had that cup of chai at bedtime) and he was still sleeping in his bed.

At least I managed the whole ordeal without waking my mom or sister. Of course Dad hasn't mentioned it today so I haven't.

Thank you, everyone, for the feedback! Our schedule is not what most people call normal. We are night owls and get up later. We eat later than most people. Mom and Dad are both retired, I am self employed, so nobody has to punch a time clock. Our schedule has evolved to where it is partly because my sister (spina bifida) has a history of pressure wounds and lies down off and on during the day. We accommodate her schedule. And mine, when I was having insomnia and not getting to sleep until 3 or 4 in the morning. I'd sleep later so I wouldn't be a complete zombie the next day (not good for a caregiver and the only driver in the house). Thankfully that has improved, it's not ideal, but much better (I drink a little tart cherry juice before bed, for the melatonin).

Dad does sleep a lot in his recliner during the day. Part of this, we believe, is that he has never treated his sleep apnea as well as he should. During the past year, he averaged wearing the mask 2-3 hours in an 8-hour night. He pretty much quit using it altogether about a month ago, when he started having muscle pain in his back. We try to talk him into using it each night, but he will tell us, "I don't want to." We aren't going to force him to wear the mask; he'd just take it off once everyone has gone to bed. His doctors have stressed that with CHF and A-fib, he really needs to treat his sleep apnea, but Dad is 90 and stubborn as they come.

We will see how it goes, not stopping him if he wants to go bed shortly after dinner. We were just concerned whether it might cause more confusion. A couple of times in the past year or so, when he wasn't feeling good and went to bed early, he'd wake up just as we were going to bed. He would think it was morning and start to get dressed. It would take half an hour to convince him it was still night. Even looking at a clock or out the window at the dark didn't seem to help.

Yes, we are blessed so far that he doesn't have so many of the typical sundowning behaviors. So far, no trying to leave the house or becoming aggressive. Just lots and lots of the same questions. We know our stress will lessen by letting him go to bed when he wants, we just didn't want to do that if it might not be best for him.

Has his doctor said his sleep should be limited? If not, I'd let him sleep as much as he wants. With the progression of dementia, the patient will need more and more sleep. Plus, with his age, I'd expect him to nap a bit too.

My great grandfather, who was really healthy, mentally and physically, used to take a nap every afternoon for one hour. He asked my great mama to wake him up in one hour. He walked about 6 miles a day up until he was in his 80's, but, he always got his daily nap. lol

9 or even 8pm is the usual bedtime for many people, and I would think if anything it would be more detrimental to force him to stay awake when he is clearly tired than let him to let him sleep earlier than usual.
Also, many people’s sleeping habits change as they age and just because he used to always go to bed around midnight doesn't mean something is wrong with him now, it just means he’s old and can’t stay up as late.

You're night owls who want dad to stay up late with you. He wants to go to bed at 7 or 8? Let him!

I have a bad back and by 7-8 pm I am DONE for the day unless I've had a lie-down around 1-2. When I am up, I am UP, meaning walking, working & running my life. I don't sit during the day, for the most part.

The idea to put up a room divider and placing twin beds in the room is a great one. Dad can check out early and mom can stay up with the rest of you.

I'm only 63 but, oh, how I LOVE my quiet, cool bedroom. DH likes to stay up half the night reading, watching TV, snacking, doing crossword puzzles. His bedroom is HIS sanctuary and mine is mine. YEARS ago I realized that he was just miserable sharing a room with me as we have such different bio-clocks. Also he insists on a TV in the bedroom and I didn't want one in there. He wouldn't bend on that issue, so I moved out.

We both wake up multiple times during the night, but not at the same times. Neither of us sleeps well in the same bed---staying at hotels--we get a 2-King room.

My mother (age 90) goes to bed at 7. She sleeps about 12-14 hours. I think this is normal. Honestly, just moving around the little she does in a day is pretty small. But she's got a myriad of health issues and tires easily.

Dad is sundowning? And he WANTS to go to bed? That's a lot better option than some of the sundowning behavior we hear about. Take your cue from him, if he wants to sleep, let him.

For me, the going to bed at 9 would be no problem, It would be what time he got up in the morning. But I found with Mom, trying to keep her awake was worse. When I needed to get her up to go to bed, she was "out of it" and I needed to get her down steps and ready for bed. So, I took her to bed at 8 instead of the 9 I tried to push her too. I didn't want her up before 8am. I am not a morning person.

I would allow him to go to bed when he is ready. Nine isn't too bad. Then, you all have some time to yourselves to wind down ur day. My GFs Dad went to bed at 7pm and was up at 5am.

I’m very surprised by the hours you are worried about. What time do you all get up in the morning? Most older people need more sleep than 8 hours, and it actually sounds that the doctors would put you all in the category of those who don’t get enough sleep normally.

I go to bed when my difficult back gets tired and starts hurting, usually between 7.30 and 8pm. I often don’t go to sleep until later, and I am awake for a while in the night as well. I’d say stop the stress of keeping your 90 year old father out of bed, and let him go as soon as he wants to after dinner. If he wakes when your mother comes to bed later, he should easily go back to sleep if he still needs it. Most older people are awake for a while in the night, and they are resting even if not asleep the whole time. Experiment and see how it works out!