How do you handle financial obsession?

I am another one who was told it's very difficult to get guardianship. I did have social work (might have been an RN) come out for an assessment but it really did not help. My LO was charming, smiling, engaging with good eye contact and was able to answer basic competency questions without a problem. After that, SW told her that "no one can force you into a nursing home" and my LO dropped the act, disengaged from the eye contact and from the conversation. LO had heard what she wanted to hear and didn't see a need to talk anymore. SW didn't seem to notice this and left the house apparently without a qualm and seemed to believe LO was just fine. I was shocked. Meanwhile, LO was falling, calling the cops for no reason, hiding important things, throwing the mail in the trash, leaving the door unlocked, leaving the phone off the hook so no one could reach her, refusing to drink because I wouldn't buy her flavored water, calling neighbors to complain she was left alone with no food, sitting in urine-soaked clothes and didn't seem to realize it, BM accident on the floor right outside the bathroom, and many, many, many other problems - including trying to order new cookware from home shopping channel (she never cooked - even when she was well). She needed 24/7 supervision, but that was only obvious to me and everyone else thought she was a sweet, quirky older lady. I sought guardianship, but it's very difficult to get. In my area, they interview the person to make sure no rights are being violated and to see if guardianship is really needed. I'm sure she could convince just about anyone that she was "fine" and could police herself. however, if someone could spend a solid day with her, they would see the problems. However, if you're concerned about impinging on his rights, I think you should talk to anyone and everyone you can to get him on their radar but I found out the hard way that the elder's rights seemed to be the most important and no one cared about the caregiver's observations/experiences. It was a scary time.

I went through something like this with my father. I was told by our social worker that the bar is extremely high to take guardianship. My father was also able to be very charming to visitors. She said after her assessement of him that he seemed capable of making his own decisions, even bad decisions.
A good portion of the last months of his life were spent worrying about money, going to the bank (I couldn't stop him, he would walk!), hiding the wallet and cash he withdrew, looking for the wallet that was thus lost because he forgot where he hid it, and demanding his passport so that he could plan a trip overseas because he didn't want to stay here. Looking bad it is was very sad. In the midst of it, I was pulling my hair out.
Maybe you could try calling your county elder services and inquiring about a social services visit so they can assess the situation? I'm so sorry you are going through this, I know it's difficult and frustrating. Sending you good thoughts.

When I was in high school one of my classmates was regularly called out in the middle of the day to go help her family search for her Grandmother who had dementia and was quite the escape artist. Have you spoken to your dad's doctor about anti anxiety meds? Or any kind of meds? I'm a little surprised at what the lawyer said to you. This person must not be an elder law attorney or they'd understand that it was in your dad's best interests to not allow him to throw away his money when he obviously has cognitive issues preventing rational thought. You do not need to be a guardian to act in this capacity, only a financial PoA. In the end if your father loses all his money much distress and troubles falls on you, his only. You should find another lawyer. You are not impinging on his rights if you are legally your father's financial PoA and he has a diagnosis of cognitive decline in his medical records. Also, if you are an only there is really no one who would probably contest anything you are doing. I am also an only, caring for my single mom.

The other commenters are correct in suggesting you start to consider and research MC facilities for him, just in case. You are a prime candidate for burnout. You need to know the availabilities and the costs and the process if you ever need to go that route. And you might, no matter what you think today. I wish you all the best and peace in your heart as you work through his care options.

My granny would hide her purse and then accuse her daughter of stealing it and all her money.

She forgot who she was and thought that she was being held captive. Alzheimer's is the saddest journey I've ever seen for all involved.

She got to the point that she could no longer be safely cared for in the home, so she went to a nursing home. She couldn't walk very well at that point but she did manage to escape several times, she had to wear an ankle alarm to be sure she set an alarm off when leaving the building. She even got out after she was wheelchair bound.

Remember that your life and wellbeing is important as well as your dads, so try to get help and look for a facility that you will feel okay about, believe me, I have watched several loved ones go this route and it does get to a point that they need a village to care. If not, you may be the 1st to go and that is unacceptable.

My heart goes out to you, I know how sad, frustrating and confusing this can be. Take care of you during this journey. Great big warm hug 🤗.

May be time for Memory Care