We have got a Trustee on board as all my brother wanted was mom's money. Now that he has no access to the money he does not bother to phone my mom or visit her now that the restrictions have been lifted. She was moved today to a Personal Care Home and we have no way of letting him know this. Mom asks about him constantly. He also will not respond to the Trustee. He was supposed to have POA but he is not capable to handle any of the work that needs to be done. That was the reason the hospital and myself asked for a Trustee. It appears to me that he cannot handle the fact that mom is dying and at this time she needs 24 hour care. He has made remarks like "she does not sound or look like mom" How do we begin to help him. He has no friends and none of mom's friends or my friends will talk to him due to his past treatment of mom. For many years he used mom's bank account as his own and now that it is gone it seems as if he has completely given up. When he has contacted me in the past it has been horrible (texts). My family has stepped in and have told me that I am not to respond to his calls or texts any longer. Actually the police are aware due to the nature of the texts.
My brother was adopted shortly after he was born. He had a loving family and was given a good life. He has never married and has never had a meaningful relationship. He is alone. I have tried to be there for him but his treatment of me is not acceptable. I need all the advise and help that I can get.
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I think its time to let him go. If he does not respond to any calls, figure he doesn't care. If you know where he lives, then send a certified letter notifying him where Mom is and how to contact you if he needs to. Take this time to spend with Mom. If she asks where he is, be honest and say you have no idea or tell a little white lie.
If Mom is 99 you are in ur 70s? Please guard yourself. Be very careful allowing this person back into your life. Those who suffer from Bipolar and don't medicate are unpredictable. They suffer from manic depression and do the weirdest things when having an attack. One of our clients shaved her head during one attack, gave away all her furniture in another and gave away all her food in another. My cousin self medicated with alchohol. Meds make her feel funny. Same with a cousin we share (offsprings of siblings) he doesn't take his either. I think he calls me when he feels manic. Love them both, but not sure I would live with them. If I gave them money, I wouldn't expect it back and I wouldn't continue to give.
You do not owe him anything at all.
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Sounds like he is not dealing well with her decline and upcoming death at all. Plus, being on drugs tells me that he has not dealt with live well either.
Sounds like no one set boundaries with him years ago, but it's a bit late now. I'm sorry to hear of her treatment of her being so bad that your dad offered to buy you an apartment. I hope you have had some therapy about that.
Know this, you didn't make your brother or mother how they are. You can't control them nor can you fix them. All you can really do is put yourself and keep yourself on a healthy path despite what they do or don't do. I wish you the best.