Have you checked into a weekly caregiver or housekeeper to help you handle the situation?
I would find other caregivers that will come to her and avoid you having to make an extra trip to get help. The stress isn't worth the money saved.
If they ask you to bring her for a visit, politely tell them that traveling is just to hard on her and you would appreciate them coming to her. You will have a paid caregiver so you won't be asking them for help, so no need to travel to them for that.
Call your local Alzheimer's association and the council on aging to find any inexpensive help available to her and you. She may even qualify for 2x monthly aides for 4 hours each day. It is not much, but it will help you get a break and they can usually bathe the patient.
Best of luck finding respite for you that doesn't involve long road trips.
Does your daughter have young children whose routines would be uprooted by going to your house? If there are children, is your house welcoming for them? If there are no school aged children or younger children to worry about is your daughter working? Can she easily get time off work?
My former mil expected me to travel by car, ferry and bus with 2, then 3 young children to go visit her. She lived in a not child friendly condo. There was not playground nearby and no other place for kids to play. She could easily have gotten a ride from family to the ferry and we could have picked her up on the other side, but she refused, then complained that we did not visit. When my younger two were teens I worked 6 days a week. My one day off was very precious to me.
Your wife's sister lives 3.5 hours away. Is she still working, does she have a spouse or grandchildren she is providing care to? Does she still feel comfortable making a 1/2 day drive?
You are well within your rights to not be prepared to drive your wife to visit her daughter or sister, but it is unreasonable for you to expect them to make the drive to you.
If either of them are willing to provide you with respite, it will be on their terms, even if that means it is in their home, not yours. If that does not work for you, then you have to look at other options.
Does she enjoy the visits? Is she ready to leave not long after you get there? People who suffer from a Dementia are usually more comfortable in their own "comfort zone". Leaving it is just confusing.
If the answer is yes to my questions, tell the daughter and sister you will no longer be driving wife to them. That she is better in her own surroundings. If they want to visit, feel free to come anytime.
Thank you, yes home is her comfort zone. Daughter is 1 1/2 hr away, sis is 3 1/4 hrs. away. Very comfortable and workable solution that eases that accomodating trait I deal with. Thanx JoAnn for suggestion
You can say yes or no. If the caregiving is a break for you, you may still want it. You may want to tell them as your wife gets older, she can get disoriented.
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I would find other caregivers that will come to her and avoid you having to make an extra trip to get help. The stress isn't worth the money saved.
If they ask you to bring her for a visit, politely tell them that traveling is just to hard on her and you would appreciate them coming to her. You will have a paid caregiver so you won't be asking them for help, so no need to travel to them for that.
Call your local Alzheimer's association and the council on aging to find any inexpensive help available to her and you. She may even qualify for 2x monthly aides for 4 hours each day. It is not much, but it will help you get a break and they can usually bathe the patient.
Best of luck finding respite for you that doesn't involve long road trips.
Does your daughter have young children whose routines would be uprooted by going to your house? If there are children, is your house welcoming for them? If there are no school aged children or younger children to worry about is your daughter working? Can she easily get time off work?
My former mil expected me to travel by car, ferry and bus with 2, then 3 young children to go visit her. She lived in a not child friendly condo. There was not playground nearby and no other place for kids to play. She could easily have gotten a ride from family to the ferry and we could have picked her up on the other side, but she refused, then complained that we did not visit. When my younger two were teens I worked 6 days a week. My one day off was very precious to me.
Your wife's sister lives 3.5 hours away. Is she still working, does she have a spouse or grandchildren she is providing care to? Does she still feel comfortable making a 1/2 day drive?
You are well within your rights to not be prepared to drive your wife to visit her daughter or sister, but it is unreasonable for you to expect them to make the drive to you.
If either of them are willing to provide you with respite, it will be on their terms, even if that means it is in their home, not yours. If that does not work for you, then you have to look at other options.
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If the answer is yes to my questions, tell the daughter and sister you will no longer be driving wife to them. That she is better in her own surroundings. If they want to visit, feel free to come anytime.
"Sorry, no".