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WillyB Asked June 2020

My mom has dementia and is forgetting what happened within the last hour. What is this any indication of?

The aide left yesterday morning my mom said good bye to her. After she went out the door my mother asked - Who was that woman? I asked her don't you remember Ana just washed you and got you dressed ? She said no she didn't. This morning we had just finished breakfast and she forgot she just had coffee. What is this any indication of not remembering what happened within the last hour?

Geaton777 Jun 2020
WillyB, this is cognitive decline and short-term memory loss. She can't help it. How old is your mom? You are now at the beginning of a journey with her. Things that are now very important:
- BEFORE taking her for a cognitive exam by her doctor, make sure she has assigned a local and trustworthy person as her durable PoA (Power of Attorney). Without this, no one can legally make decisions for her or advocate for her in her own best interests.
- AFTER PoA is legally completed, take her in for an exam. Test her for a UTI (urinary tract infection) because these are very common in the elderly and often have no other symptom other than confusion and behavior/personality changes. It can be cleared up with antibiotics. Make sure the doctor does a cognitive exam so that you know what you are dealing with and how to best help her.
- Educate yourself on what her medical/mental trajectory is in the coming years. There are many wonderful resources online, like Teepa Snow videos on YouTube and books. Even if you are not going to be her caregiver, she is your mother and this info will help ease stress as her condition progresses.
- If you have siblings, please fold them in on what is going on to get input. Discuss thoughts and expectations about your mom's financial situation and care needs, etc. Generally speaking if you have healthy family dynamics, this will be extremely helpful. If you don't, lack of transparency and communication will certainly make things worse.

Many others will post their insights and wisdom. I wish you all the best. Let us know how it goes!

lealonnie1 Jun 2020
When I speak to my mother in the evening, she can't remember what she had for lunch or if she even went outside into the garden during the day. She starts to say something, then forgets her train of thought entirely and is left stammering. That's what dementia looks and feels like, and it only gets worse as time goes on. In my experience, it doesn't matter 'what type' of dementia your mother has, vascular, Alzheimer's, what's the difference? It's not like there is some miracle drug out there to fix her. There isn't. There are medications available to treat symptoms; ie: hallucinations, agitation, sleeplessness, etc., but as far as fixing her memory goes, nothing works for that, unfortunately. The brain is still a mystery to doctors, sadly, and dementia is on the rise as we see people living longer and longer lives.

My mother has been given about 12 cognizance tests over the years, maybe more. SLUMS, MOCA.........they're a series of questions that are asked and, based on the answers, a score is given to determine the level of dementia that's at play. The lower the number, the worse the dementia is. They're also asked to draw a clock showing a certain time; if they're unable, that shows a problem with the executive brain function. If your mother has Alzheimer's, that may show up on a brain MRI, but not always.

My aunt had Alzheimer's and passed away at 96. My mother has dementia, likely vascular, the neurologist wasn't too keen on figuring out which type, but Alz. was ruled out with an MRI, and is going strong at 93+. She loses her ability to speak clearly on a daily basis, it seems, and her memory worsens as well. She does have periods of greater lucidity, however, and it seems to coincide with good weather and if she can spend time outdoors. Her cognizance seems to go UP during those periods which can last for 2-3 weeks at a time. Dementia behavior and memory isn't necessarily a constant.........it can change every day.

Study up on the subject; watch Teepa Snow videos on YouTube, and learn what you can as far as what to expect moving forward. Look into Memory Care Assisted Living for her if things get too bad or too dangerous for her at home. My mom lives in one and she's beautifully cared for and quite safe.

Best of luck!

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JoAnn29 Jun 2020
It seems to me Willy is already aware Mom has Dementia. What you are seeing is Mom losing her short term memory. Its the first thing to go with a Dementia. She will keep some of her long term for a while but eventually that will go too. My Mom forgot things within a few minutes. She would ask me a question and I would answer her and she would look at me like I was nuts. Her mind was already somewhere else.

sjplegacy Jun 2020
Her increased forgetfulness is caused by the advancement of whatever is causing her dementia. Most dementia is caused by Alzheimer's disease, but if you haven't had her symptoms properly diagnosed by a neurologist, you don't know what you're dealing with. There are many causes of dementia. Make an appointment and have her evaluated. If it's AD, or even one of the other neurodegenerative diseases, "The 36 Hour Day" and "Learning to Speak Alzheimer's" are great resources for a caregiver. One of the best things you as a caregiver can do is to become educated on the disease so you have a better idea of what comes next.

lauren59 Jun 2020
Thank you all for your insightful answers to WillyB.   Very helpful for myself, 61 years old daughter to Dad 89 with diagnosed Dementia/AZ on medication for about 5 years.   Mom 86 and showing more and more signs of dementia.   They moved out of their home of 51 years, 3 years ago and into a one bedroom apt, which as you can imagine was a life changing experience for them being that they had planned/expected to live out their lives together in that house but it was way too big and they were unable to take care of physically and financially anymore.  Than Dad got a bit worse, my 3 brothers and I finally conveinced him that he couldn't drive anymore safely and they became much more home bound and reliant on us, more me than my brothers.   I truly believe that this only caused them to age more quickly, unfortunately.   Dad was very sick and in hospital and rehab for about 6 weeks in 2019 with Mom going to see him everyday.   This year Dad was falling more but Mom was so adamant about not having anyone in to help.    It broke my heart but one day when Mom called to say Dad was okay but on the floor and couldn't get up, he doesn't even know how to get up, I made the heartbreaking decision to use tough love and say I couldn't go over.   She finally called 911, they helped Dad up but noted there had been many calls to help him up.  2 days later, I did the same thing, this time EMS took Dad to the hospital.   Mom always gets very angry with me and I cant stand it any more.   This was the only way I could figure out how to get help since my 3 brothers weren't helping either.    So since May 20th Dad has been in hospital to rehab, feel broke his hip, back in hospital, had hip operation and now back at rehab.   He is happy when we facetime with him, Mom and him got to do a "window" visit on Father's Day.   I think my Mom feels guilty … same as someone said in a comment.   They have been married 67 years and always would live together helping each other but she is making herself sick and me, I go for therapy just to not feel guilty and talk with someone that understands and I get advice.   I have 3 sons of my own that I wish to be healthy for and be around for in the future.   Mom and Dad made some decisions on their own that may not have been the best but it is what it is now and this is what needs to be worked with.   I wish to have both mom and dad be happier in their last years and not miserable.   Only because of insurance and not being able to afford a Memory Care place for Dad are we looking into him possibly coming home to Mom but with 24/7 care.   She doesn't like that but I just keep saying it is either that or Dad goes into a nursing facility.   Oh man I rambled on and on... if you read this all … thank you for that and for letting me vent.   You know it is wonderful to have my Parents but it is also just heartbreaking to witness the aging process especially when there had been no planning.   I think God is still trying to teach me something, I pray I learn real soon!    God Bless you all and for this forum, I haven't shared before but just reading helps knowing we are not alone.
Lauren

lisah13 Jun 2020
Geaton777 these answers are spot on, and we've done all of this with my mom.

Rabanette Jun 2020
Alzheimer's prevents the formation of short term memory. It sounds as though your mothers situation is worsening, as she can't even remember what just happened. It also sounds frightening and alarming for you. It's cause for alarm and figuring out what to do.

Be prepared and do not expect it to get better. The connections in the brain that cause this disease are not working. It is getting worse, as you can readily see.

More important, what are your plans for taking care of and assisting your mom? Is she living with you? Are you equipped to deal with her care? Is there a plan in place for the current time and the future?

Have you educated yourself and researched how Alzheimer's works and what damage it can do?

medicaidmaze20 Jun 2020
My dad, 95, asks me at least 2 or 3 times in about 10-15 mins, as I am there, to take him to a dr. appointment. He can not remember anything-mom says he is reading books and magazines-but I am pretty sure mom is not asking him much about what he has read. I have asked my sister about activities at her community or what she ate for lunch she can not tell me. Sis has taken the cognitive test Slums and something else-her score is very low.

Katrinka49 Jun 2020
My mother's short term memory is very compromised and has worsened over the past 2 1/2 years since she moved in with my husband and me. Although I give her three healthy meals everyday, with snacks in between, she doesn't remember she has eaten. If she goes to the bathroom during a meal, she wants to know whose food is on the table when she returns. Almost daily, she tells me her stomach is growling from lack of food, even though she has just eaten.

She was taken to the hospital by ambulance last month and spent the day undergoing medical tests which determined she had had a TIA. The next day, she had no recollection of going to the hospital.

My mother will be celebrating her 101th birthday in a few days. I am 71, and my husband is 76 so were are all senior citizens.
SandyB66 Jul 2020
Wow! 101 yo!! Happy birthday 🎂🎉🎈 to your mom!!
Beekee Jun 2020
Her abilities can vary a lot day to day, even hour to hour. Most are sharper in the morning, then go downhill in the afternoon as they get tired. She's doing common household activities based on muscle memory--walking to the bedroom, opening drawers, even answering the phone. But a moment later, she doesn't recall doing those things. If this is a sudden drop in abilities, maybe a brain event like TIA or further vascular changes? In general, imagine that every 15 minutes her brain resets and it's a brand new day, a blank slate, no context, no clues. In order to get any cooperation from her for day to day tasks, you must continuously remind her what's happening. Try to speak in a calm, reassuring tone (even though you've already said it 20 times). If you can connect to old memories from the past, it might help. "These are your shoes. Don't they look like the shoes grandma used to have? Grandma had so many fancy shoes." But definitely get medical evaluation if this is a sudden change.
SandyB66 Jul 2020
This is point on!! I have the same issues with my 90 year old mom.

I do all the things that you recommend every day! Good reply.

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