Mother in memory care, family is very divided. Any thoughts?

I will never forget the shrink I had for a short time who said "You can make two lines in this world, and in one line goes the people who care for everyone and who think everything is their own fault, and into the second line goes everyone who doesn't give a hang about anyone, and who feels responsible for nothing. I don't have much to say about these two lines, except that the line with the people who think they are responsible for everything that goes wrong??? They are a lot easier to TREAT".
At the time I thought that I was responsible for everything. I don't any more. Perhaps your sister is not a very nice person? Did you ever think about that? Because if that is the fact there will be nothing you can do about it, and if you continue to run around trying to make her happy she will simply think you are a patsy.
Leave her be. I had only one brother. I am thrilled that he just happened to be one of this world's kindest and best man in every way. If I had him and a BAD brother, I would still count myself among the very "blessed" in this world.

Thank you. It's my Mom who has terminal cancer. I feel as if the older sister could care less about me and only relies on my update without putting out any efforts. When I do talk with her she has her husband on the call to listen. When she and I disagree, both of them attack me...its so sad. This only happened when my martial status changed to divorce There's a lot of narcissism in the family, mom and sister. The younger sister is very opinionated and highly critical.

I *think* it's the mother in memory care who has terminal cancer, no?

Hopeful, what are you hoping for? Is there any reason why you can't continue to send your older sister updates, when it's convenient to you, and just leave it at that?

You're doing the right thing. What your two sisters do is up to them.

For the record: I have three siblings, all older. During mother's final years I made attempts to include them in support and in decisions. So I would text or email updates, or leave voicemails, and a pattern emerged. One would call back after a few hours, usually. The spouse of another would sometimes acknowledge the message or call back. The third? - tumbleweeds.

I continued to send out information but I stopped expecting any response. Think of it as a message "to whom it may concern," - and those who are unconcerned needn't respond.

Also, I have to say. If you were doing "wellness checks" on your older sister and her family weekly, how could your sister avoid knowing that you were alive and well? - well enough to carry out wellness checks, at least! So... did it matter that she didn't make a point of calling you separately?

It is possible, you know, that your older sister just doesn't like her family much. It happens, and it doesn't have to be anybody's fault. I'm glad you have another who's more on your wavelength :)

How much time does your older sister have left?

The older sister is likely absorbed with her terminal cancer and that's understandable. She's dying. Why do you expect much from her? Did she have cancer already when you called her about yall's mom was possibly going into hospice. If so, maybe that news was too much for her.

I would definitely stay out of the messiness between her and the younger sister.

Plus, I would not try to unite everyone for you would end up paying a high price for possibly nothing.