My 96-year-old mother in law has been living in an assisted living facility for people with dementia. It is located close to all family members, and, up to March 15, we had been able to visit her daily. Overall, we are very pleased with this facility and feel fortunate to have found it.
Our problem has to do with the current pandemic lockdown. We have not been allowed to visit since March 15. We have only been allowed to “visit” through a window as we stand outside. At present, there is no guidance on when this may change. I’ve heard that visitations may not commence until the end of August, with strict social distance guidelines.
My mother in law is enrolled in hospice. We’ve been told that we would be allowed to come see her once she enters “active dying”.
This is breaking our hearts. Although we’ve been assured that she is comfortable, not agitated, we can’t help but feel that she must wonder where her family has gone. We feel as if we’ve abandoned her to live out her final days among strangers.
Should we bring her home? Would this be too much of a change for her? Has anyone else faced this? I welcome any advice that would help us.
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May her passing be peaceful and may God grant all of you grieving mercies and comfort during this difficult time.
Today we received a call from hospice notifying us of a downturn change to my mother-in-law's baseline. This was enough for them to enact visitation. We were allowed to visit her this evening. My sister-in-law is allowed to spend the night with her. Tomorrow they are transferring my mother-in-law to a private room. Once there, we will have more flexibility in being with her. I am so very much relieved. We don't know how much longer she has, but we will surround her with the warmth that only family and loved ones can bring. God is good and has answered my prayers!
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How mobile is your mother? Is she resistant to care? Does she wander? Is she agitated? I think it's more difficult if you have someone who is higher functioning, because, there are more things they are still able to do in the home and you have to constantly prevent them from harming themselves. Each case is different though. I hope you find some answers.
Don't do it.
How much of a change would it be for you, I assume you would be caring for her.
Are you equipped to care for her properly and safely? (Why was the decision made to place her in the first place and not keep her home? Have those circumstances changed?)
I think the curtailed visits are probably more difficult for you and the rest of the family than they are on her.
In your profile you say you are caring for your father at home. Same home you will bring MIL to or is he in his own home?