I am having a really hard time with my mom that lives with me. She will not do anything, only watch tv. What can I do?

Just curious, at 89 what exactly are your expectations?

I think that life gets hard to live at a certain point and everything is a challenge and just doesn't feel like the effort is worth it. So they sit down and try to entertain themselves the best they can.

I have a dear friend that is 90 and she has gone from being on the go daily to just staying home and trying to get through the day. It is heart breaking how fast the failure has been, but it is life. She told me yesterday that she woke up old one day and she doesn't know what to do. I think that is how it is when you get that old and you are nearing the end.

If she seems okay with how she is living right now, let it go.

I’m not very knowledgeable about this, my experience was mostly different with early cancer deaths, but my understanding is that you are not likely to arrange the changes you would like to see for your mother with dementia. She will feel unwilling to step outside a small area where she feels comfortable, and she will want to be more and more dependent on you to care for her and to provide all her ‘entertainment’.

While neither of you probably want this, she may do better in Assisted Living, where there will be organised activities for her to watch and perhaps join in. It might be a good idea for you to check out alternative living arrangements, and to work out what your own caring limits are. Hours a day, fecal incontinence (often a tripping point, especially for male carers), not recognising you? Think about it in advance, so that you can check out the options, including the finances, and all the other things that it may entail. Best wishes in a situation likely to become even more difficult.

Pegmeister, I am sorry for the situation you and your mom are in right now. I think it's good you are realizing your limits, what you can and can't do. Start planning.

I hope others have some ideas for you. You BOTH matter!