My parents have lived in their house 48 yrs ago. But my father wants to leave and “go home”daily. Is there something we can do to slow this?

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Jack68 Asked July 2020

My parents have lived in their house 48 yrs ago. But my father wants to leave and “go home”daily. Is there something we can do to slow this?

My father has Parkinson’s with Lewy bodies (dementia). When his dementia takes over he remembers his children, grands and great grands. But not my Mother. We have tried everything to get him to recognize her. It works for a time but the next time he’ll come up with another reason why he doesn’t recognize my Mother. We would love incite and help with this as well. Thank you so much.

Lewy Body Dementia Parkinson's Disease

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score 1 · Answer 1

Let mom know that it is nothing personal and it is definitely not him. His brain is broken and he can't help that he doesn't remember her.

My grannie would remember me and tell me that her daughter never comes to visit her, even though she was sitting across the table.

You just have to realize that it is the disease and pretty soon he won't remember anything, so you learn to be in the moment, give them love and help them feel cared for and have some fun.

Welcome to the forum.

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Thank you. My grandmother, my mother’s mother, had Alzheimer’s and she eventually forgot everyone. But it’s a lot different now that it’s my father (her husband)

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score 1 · Answer 2

I’m sorry maybe I worded my question wrong. They are still living in the house they bought 48yrs ago. But for some reason when he leaves the house he says he’s going home or going to find his home. Even though he’s already there. Again like I said before, we show him pics but he still wants to “go home” he’ll even name the street he wants to go to even though he’s already there. But thank you so much for the info I will watch the video and share with my family.

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Dear Jack 68,

Thank you for clarifying your question. You can go to www.alzheimers.org.uk and they have an article called 'I Want to Go Home' - What to Say to Someone With Dementia - mainly point #1 because some of the rest of the article applies to someone who is living in a care facility and says they want to go home. The first point explains what "home" actually means to them which might be helpful in how you handle it.
Also, when you go to the website I mentioned earlier you will find it under the "Get Support" drop down menu and from there go to "Understanding Changes in Behaviour" and it's the last one under that heading before you can click on "more".

(2)

score 1 · Answer 3

I’m going through this with my dad now. He’s in a nursing home and I would visit almost everyday. Dad would confuse me with his brother and I would gently correct him. Sometimes it would stick for a bit.

Due to the virus I haven’t been able to see him since March other than some window visits. I’m a little familiar to him but we’ve lost our connection now.

Thats the thing with dementia. People can’t re learn things. As memory slips away it won’t come back. My mom died two years ago. I thought he’d forgotten about her but one day recently he told a caregiver he was dreaming about L, his wife. You never know what might bubble up then be gone again.

So be gentle with you dad. I know its heartbreaking but you have to have lots of patience to get through the repetitive things and the memory loss.

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Thank you for your response. I am sorry about your Father. I can’t imagine not being able to visit with him. My Father remembers me for the most part. It’s my Mother he doesn’t remember well. It’s heart breaking to see my Mother’s face when he doesn’t recognize her. We look at their wedding pics and other pics to try and help him connect the dots to the present time. Sometimes it works other times nothing we say will convince him. I was just wondering if anyone had pointers that worked for them. But it’s very nice to know we’re not alone❤️

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score 3 · Answer 4

Dear Jack68,
I know this is upsetting when your father is able to at times remember all the family members except your mother. I would recommend you go to the website
www.dementiauk.org and read "Things to Try When Someone With Dementia Stops Recognizing You". Theirs an explanation along with a whole slew of tips as well as a nurse who has a video you can watch called "What to do When Someone Doesn't Recognize You".
As for your dad wanting to go "home" daily to a place that they lived 48 years ago - they remember things from their past more easily than in the here and now. I'm not so sure there is a way to "slow down" that part of his dementia.
Hope this helps or at least gets you started and heading in the right direction. Let us know how it goes and good luck to you and your family!

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My parents have lived in their house 48 yrs ago. But my father wants to leave and “go home”daily. Is there something we can do to slow this?

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