I just need some love and suggestions of what to do?

Gina; you asked for advice.

Are you simply going to listen to what he tells you he does or doesn't want? If so, that's just FINE, but then you don't need us to tell you other things to do.

The headache is from the elevated BP; he's most likely going to stroke out and then perhaps you'll be handling someone who is totally bed bound and double incontinent. If that's what you are up for, then don't call for help.

Look we are all going to die one way or the other; I think that dying should be comfortable and not a terrible thing for our loved ones to watch. That's why I suggested that you get in touch with his doctor to get a hospice evaluation started, because your husband doesn't appear to want any more interventions. And I can understand that.

Just call his doc and talk to her/him and see what they say.

Guess ur going to have to wait until he passes out. Then call the EMTs.

Gina, call 911. Have the EMT's respond, show them all the readings you've taken with his BP, etc.
I promise, your husband is not the first patient they've responded to that says they won't go to the hospital. They can usually be very persuasive. I have seen them talk the most stubborn person into an ambulance. You won't lose anything by calling them, and then if, heaven forbid, something happens to your husband, at least you know you did everything you could.

Gina, great big warm hug!🤗

I don't have a clue what you should do but I pray that you are okay and know that I am praying for you.

Gina,

Based on what you are telling us, it sounds like your husband might be experiencing a combination of several problems: (A) congestive heart failure—symptoms include spitting up phlegm that looks like foam, shortness of breathe, chronic cough or wheezing, edema, nausea or lack of appetite, a high heart rate, elevated blood pressure, and confusion or impaired thinking. (B) ASCITES--which is fluid inside the abdomen. Symptoms include weight gain, shortness of breath, abdominal swelling, sense of fullness or bloating, sense of heaviness, indigestion, nausea or vomiting and changes to the belly button. (C) O2 Sat of 80% caused by both (A) & (B). 

It is possible that your husband is not thinking properly because he is not getting enough oxygen to his brain—even tho he is lucid. If his O2 Sat continues in the low 80s, he will start to experience organ damage or organ shut down. He will either have a heart attack and require CPR or have a stroke.

Does your husband take any diuretics such as Lasix (furmoside)? If you can get him to take his diuretic, it might help get some of the fluid out of his lungs, heart and abdomen.

Have you contacted your husband’s doctor and told him what you are telling us? Is your husband receiving oxygen?

I know that it is difficult to watch someone get worse and refuse to do something about it. The COVID-19 excuse might be covering your husband’s fear of dying and by not acknowledging that he needs to go to the ER, then your husband can avoid thinking of dying.
Please keep us updated on your husband’s condition. Prayers 🙏

Gina, the fact that his oxygen is so low tell us that his heart is not doing the work it needs to, which is to get the old blood from his extremities and his brain back to his lungs so that it can get new oxygen. His heart RATE only tells you how fast it is beating, not how well the rest of the system is working.

His very low Oxygen number tells us that things have gone very wrong. Has the doc called you back yet?

My Dad had CHF, pulmonary hypertension (difficult to push blood though lungs), ascites related to CHF and PH, 4++ edema of legs that extended up into his abdomen (he looked 9 months pregnant), and was receiving 5 liters of oxygen. He had had these problems for several years, but it got much, much worse and 6 months later he had a heart attack and died. He was living at home with his wife/my mother. His condition had gotten worse the previous two months and he could barely walk.

The day he died, Dad's pulse was 88 irregular, respirations were 36 and he had to raise his shoulders to help him breathe better, and BP was 154/92 (according to records Dad & Mom kept at home for doctor's information). He and Mom had just finished eating supper in their bedroom. Mom took the dishes back to the kitchen. She heard a loud thud, ran to the bedroom and found Dad lying on the floor. She called 911. Since they lived in a small town, the police arrived in seconds and started CPR. Mom was horrified watching the policeman and then the EMTs push on her husband's chest. They transferred him to the ER and continue CPR until I arrived 30+ minutes later. Mom did not want to tell the doctor to stop the CPR, so I had to tell the doctor to stop CPR and then Dad "officially" died. For the rest of her life, Mom could not talk about Dad's death without sobbing uncontollably and reliving his receiving CPR and watching his lifeless body being carried through the garage to the ambulance.

Unfortunately, unless you can get your husband to go to the hospital, you might be experiencing a similar scenario when your husband dies at home.

Edit: My Dad knew that he was dying and he did not want to die in the hospital connected to tubes and wires because he knew nothing that the doctors were going to do would help him get better--maybe live alittle longer in pain and misery. He wanted to die at home...and he did.

I can’t blame you for being scared because your husband doesn’t take care of himself. Can you have a frank discussion with him about your concerns? Living with an alcoholic is not easy. It sounds like he is on the path to self destruct.

You can’t change anyone’s behavior unless they want to change. If I was told by my doctor that my liver was scarred due to alcohol I would quit drinking as Alcoholism is a disease too. Maybe your husband is in denial of how sick he is. Maybe he feels like he almost died last November and has another chance now. Whether he takes the ball and runs with it is his choice.

I’d have him make an appt with a general surgeon to have that umbilical hernia evaluated and possibly repaired. If it gets too large husband can develop a small bowel obstruction & can potentially get very ill from this.

Who is providing him with alcohol? Does he admit he has a drinking problem? Maybe switch out the beer for a non alcohol brand?

You can lead a horse to water but can’t make them drink. He stopped his Lactulose once; is he back to taking it now?

You are doing the best you can under the circumstances. Alcoholism affects the entire family. There is Alcoholic Anonymous for him and Al-Anon for family members. You can join the family support groups in your area to provide support for yourself to learn coping mechanisms to live with an alcoholic. Good luck Gina.

Please take your husband to the ER or call 911. You’ve witnessed blood in his stool and that is a huge red flag. This should be evaluated immediately. A diseased liver causes blood from clotting properly. He can very well bleed out not only from his bowel but from his stomach as well. I’ve seen it first hand as a young nurse; I will never forget it either.

I’m sorry you are going through this. Your husband is an alcoholic (Per your post prior to this). He has been diagnosed with alcoholic cirrhosis. He should not be drinking at all.

Alcoholism is a disease that effects the entire family. I’ve seen too many of these cases as a nurse. The CG struggles with the patients bad decisions. I feel you are a caring individual who is stuck in an awful situation. You love your husband and want him to get better. But his addiction is in the way.

His liver is dying. Liver tissue does not regenerate. Hubby drinking alcohol is gradually but surely killing off the rest of his liver.

I recommend Al-Anon for you to provide support to an alcoholic who is actively in the process of killing himself. Alcoholism is a disease in itself. The alcoholic has no control over his choices and will continue to make bad decisions due to alcohol addiction. Until your hubby wants to stop drinking there is not much you can do except find support for yourself and your well being.

Best wishes to you. Please take care of yourself too.

Gina,
Take a look at what I wrote on July 22nd about my Dad and how he died. What you describe in your reply to Shane sounds just like my Dad prior to his collapsing at home.

Your husband is right--that this stage of his illness, there is very little that the doctors can do--except to extend his life for a few more days or hours. (Or make him more comfortable by giving him some pain medications.)

Unfortunately if your husband does not want to go to the hospital then you are going to have to wait until he does collapse, like my Dad did, and then you will be able to call 911. They will do everything they can to save your husband, The paramedics and EMTs will have to perform CPR on your husband when they are called.

I wish that I could take away your anguish and worry and fear, but I cannot. All you can do now is let nature take its course and let your husband die as he wishes--at home.

Have you talked with hospice yet? You should talk with your doctor about hospice tomorrow ASAP if your husband is still alive then. I know that I sound gruesome, but your husband is actively dying and could die within the next 24 hours (based on what you wrote).

Lots of HUGS 💖 and Prayers!!! 🙏