"I don't like "Mom should have planned for old age" So many things happen in this life that statement is not even fair. My parents raised 4 kids on one living wage salary. Just at the time the last one graduated, my Dad went on disability. My Mom did very good with the money brought in, but there was nothing for savings."
I completely get that there are economic disasters that befall individual families. In 1925, my grandmother was left widowed with 4 children ranging in age from 2 (my mom) to 14 (her oldest brother). Oldest brother needed to drop out of HS to support the family. There was no safety net in those days.
This is why we have a social safety net in this country; it's called Medicare/Medicaid/Social Security. It's not perfect, but it's a damn sight better than it was in 1925. Mom needs to apply for help if she needs it; she has NO RIGHT to ask her children to give up their ability to earn for THEIR retirement to keep her at home.
This is what capitalism is all about folks...pay as you go. If you don't like this system, vote a new one in.
All good answers and the #1 is, do not move her in with you. You are already seeing what might happen.
You give no background. Was she a good Mom? Are you an only child? Only girl? Your husband is a big part of any decision you make.
I don't like "Mom should have planned for old age" So many things happen in this life that statement is not even fair. My parents raised 4 kids on one living wage salary. Just at the time the last one graduated, my Dad went on disability. My Mom did very good with the money brought in, but there was nothing for savings.
Oh my. There are so many other 'choices' you could make. Like living alone if things are that bad. I think those are the demands of someone suffering mental decline such as a dementia or alzheimer's. She is not waiting for an answer, is she?
With an attitude like that, your Mom could have already caused major wedges between your husband and you. It appears she is hostile to your marriage, and demanding/controlling/possesive of you.
Whatever is happening now, you need to stop confiding in your Mom anything about your marriage. If you need to take a serious look at your marriage, see a professional.
Why would you even have to consider this question? When you are married your husband should always be first and come first, unless of course he is abusive, or you are unhappy in your marriage and you are looking for a way out. If that is the case, then choose your mom. If not, then stand by your man and tell mom you've made your choice, and it's not her.
Your mom must have some underlying issues that she would even put you in this position. Stand strong and do what's best for you and your husband.
“Mum, as you are needing more care and I cannot provide it, it is time to look into different options. I am happy to spend a couple house a week over the next month researching Assisted Living facilities. You will get the final choice on which one you will live in.”
Oh my, sorry that you want me to make a choice mom, because you lose!
I hope that you stick to your guns and don't let her manipulate you into leaving your husband. She has some serious issues to even consider making you choose.
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I completely get that there are economic disasters that befall individual families. In 1925, my grandmother was left widowed with 4 children ranging in age from 2 (my mom) to 14 (her oldest brother). Oldest brother needed to drop out of HS to support the family. There was no safety net in those days.
This is why we have a social safety net in this country; it's called Medicare/Medicaid/Social Security. It's not perfect, but it's a damn sight better than it was in 1925. Mom needs to apply for help if she needs it; she has NO RIGHT to ask her children to give up their ability to earn for THEIR retirement to keep her at home.
This is what capitalism is all about folks...pay as you go. If you don't like this system, vote a new one in.
Did you make this vow to your mother??? What a selfish person. Goodbye mom!
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You give no background. Was she a good Mom? Are you an only child? Only girl? Your husband is a big part of any decision you make.
I don't like "Mom should have planned for old age" So many things happen in this life that statement is not even fair. My parents raised 4 kids on one living wage salary. Just at the time the last one graduated, my Dad went on disability. My Mom did very good with the money brought in, but there was nothing for savings.
20 years of marriage! Congratulations!
Oh my. There are so many other 'choices' you could make. Like living alone if things are that bad.
I think those are the demands of someone suffering mental decline such as a dementia or alzheimer's. She is not waiting for an answer, is she?
With an attitude like that, your Mom could have already caused major wedges between your husband and you. It appears she is hostile to your marriage, and demanding/controlling/possesive of you.
Whatever is happening now, you need to stop confiding in your Mom anything about your marriage. If you need to take a serious look at your marriage, see a professional.
Do you want to share about your living situation?
Your mom must have some underlying issues that she would even put you in this position. Stand strong and do what's best for you and your husband.
I hope that you stick to your guns and don't let her manipulate you into leaving your husband. She has some serious issues to even consider making you choose.
Your mom had a lifetime to plan for her old age. A child is not a retirement plan.
My mom lives with me, but I am divorced and it was my choice. No guilting