Getting mom to accept Hospice; how can I help her?

My uncle fought hospice until his doctor told him he wasn't required to die to have hospice care. Oddly enough, that's all it took to get him on board. They also pointed out that the doctor would be coming to him (practically concierge care!), he didn't have to sit in a waiting room, his wife didn't have to struggle to help him in and out of the car, etc. He was suddenly all on board and gung-ho for this hospice thing. He died two months later.

Perhaps just pointing out the convenience of that type of care would work rather than conveying the "last step" aspect of hospice.

We just went through this with my dad. I’d advise you after walking through it to call a hospice company, after researching to find the best one in your area, and have their social worker come and speak to your mom. They will do an excellent job of explaining their services, what they do and don’t do, what the experience will be like, and will help your mom to know on her own if this is or isn’t for her. Tell mom someone is coming to talk about her options and make it clear that it’s for her to choose. You’ll want to stay out of it, I’m very grateful that my dad decided to choose hospice on his own, it would be too hard to know it wasn’t his choice. Hospice also has chaplain services that can talk with your mom about her concerns and fears. Let her be fully informed and make her decisions. I imagine she’s filled with fear, knowing what’s before her. I wish you both peace

It is your mother's choice whether to stop dialysis or not. Stopping it will of course result in her death. She may not be ready to accept that, and as hard as dialysis is she may not be ready to die now. Dialysis may mean she is not eligible for hospice. While a senior can make this decision is it their own decision to make, no matter what we thing or feel is best. Once she cannot make the decision her POA would decide what is the best decision. If your mother is content to watch the TV, allow her to have her way.

Hospice, as I’m sure you know, provides comfort care without any attempt to ‘cure’ or prolong life. Your mother needs to accept that there is no cure before she can sensibly consider it. She also needs to decide that she will be more comfortable without the medical interventions designed to cure or just keep her alive. She has to think that her quality of life is so low that she doesn’t really want to go on with the current treatment.

It sounds as if she is not there yet, and you find that hard to understand. The only way you could hasten the process (if you want to do that), is to cut down on the support she is getting that makes the current treatment bearable for her. It’s a difficult issue, but the will to live is very strong in some people. Best wishes to both of you.