My husband has dementia. I really can't figure out what stage but currently I can't get him to go to bed and getting him up is exhausting..

I'm sure you are exhausted!

I think you sound burned out! How long has he had dementia? He's on the fairly young side so that's really too bad that he already has dementia.

Can you describe what kind of dementia behaviors your husband has? Is he safe alone or does he have to be supervised so that's why you are burning the candle at both ends?

Can you adjust your schedule to be a little more like his? How early are you getting up? If you even worked on getting yourself to bed a little later and getting up a little later, without having to turn completely nocturnal, this might get you a few extra hours of sleep.

Can you bring in some help? I would bet that your husband would be against this so, bring in help for YOU. Not for him. Someone to do some chores to free you up to do stuff with/for hubby. They could cook, clean, do errands, etc.

If you could get someone to sit with him at night so you can go to sleep, that would be nice too.

Though he is a strong personality, you can try to set some boundaries. I do not suggest trying to MAKE him get up/go to sleep when you think he should as it would probably be a losing battle. But there may be other things that are putting a lot of stress on you that maybe you can change.

Best of luck.

I think you need to speak with his doctor; he has his body clock turned around, and that creates a problem for YOU unless you want to change your body clock as well! As far as the porn goes, the doctor may be able to prescribe something to 'curb his appetite' so to speak. ISB is known as inappropriate sexual behavior and goes along with Alz/dementia for a lot of people. Definitely contact his doctor, esp if he's being aggressive with YOU or demanding sex a lot or something along those lines. Expecting you to be 'like those ladies' he watches in the porno shows definitely constitutes inappropriate sexual behavior. And if he refuses to take medication, as you also said, then it's time for him to be placed outside of your home. My mother lives in Memory Care and there are quite a few doctors, dentists and engineers who reside there with her. "Intelligence" has nothing to do with whether a person acquires Alz/dementia or not.

Like Alva said, oftentimes Alz/dementia becomes too much to handle alone at home and the sufferer must be placed in Memory Care. Please research some Memory Care ALFs in your area and line your ducks up so you'll be ready if and when the time comes to place your husband. You can visit him there as much as you'd like and still have your own life apart from your husband. Based on what you've said in your profile, it sounds like he needs placement NOW!

Wishing you the best of luck.

You might consider just allowing him to have this completely different schedule. You say you are "getting him up" and "getting him to bed" and often, with Alzheimer's, the elder sets up their own clock that works for them. You don't say anything about his mobility. Is he able to help you with anything at all? You don't give us your age, but do say that there is now only you dealing with this. In all truth you may not be able to long continue if this is all on you. This would mean placement for your husband, or your actually leaving, notifying APS you cannot stay with him, either mentally or physically. As things stand quite honestly you are the maid and clean up person as well as the cook and bottle washer. Can you tell us if it is dementia that has so profoundly changed your husband, or if he was in fact a bit like this for a good deal of his life?