What to do when you can’t take care of your LO anymore?

Dear "Rhondac13,"

I'm so sorry that you are struggling so much. Your body is screaming at you right now begging you to listen. You can't continue like this for very much longer without it possibly permanently damaging you and your body. High blood pressure is nothing to mess around with. You will be of no help to your loved one if you were to end up in the hospital. Not only that, it doesn't help with having to make decisions when you are a "wreck."

As "AnnReid" and "JoAnn29" suggested she may have to have medication for her aggression. My mom had to be put on a low dose of depression/anxiety medication for her combativeness. She's 95 with Alzheimer's and I watched her take a couple of swings at the caregiver when she went to a physical therapy/rehab facility. Since she is on hospice now, they gave her a very low dose and it helped tremendously with her behaviors. It also helps her to sleep through the night and as I've said on other threads, getting sufficient sleep is extremely important for all of us in regard to our moods. So I hope you will look into that for both you and your loved one's sake.

You are burned out. And in my opinion no intervention will help. With outside help and medication you still have the responsibility of caring and worrying about another person. If she has no money other than her SS and maybe a pension, then LTC will be your only choice. Both Assisted living and Memory care is private pay.

First, you need to take her to the doctors, preferably a neurologist, for a medication for her aggressiveness. Then you need to get, from him or her PCP, an order saying she needs 24/7 care. Then u start researching LTC facilities. Those that except Medicaid. If she has any money other than SS, it will help her get into a LTC facility quicker. This is what I did.

Mom was in an AL and money was running out. I went to Medicaid to start the application in April. (I hired a lawyer because of Moms house and to protect the person living there) Mom private paid 2 months (19k) which covered May and June and took her under the NJ cap of 2k. I had 90 days to spend down, get all the paperwork in and have her placed. Medicaid started July 1st.

I would speak to Medicaid to see whatvu need to do. A question for the NHs would be if they except her with Medicaid pending.

Some members have talked about Board and care. I don't have anything like that in my area but some members do.

Give yourself 5 minutes to consider the 2 or 3 BIG CHOICES that are available-

1) Hire help that will allow you time to sleep, take care of what you need in your and her present location.

2) Research placement in a residential facility that can meet her current needs. This can be Assisted Living, Memory Care, or Skilled Nursing Care.

3) Research the possibility of medical intervention from her medical specialist. Mood stabilizing medication may help her be more manageable in her present environment.

Be aware that NO DECISION regarding a change in HER present situation should be made without regard for her SAFETY and PEACEFUL COMFORT, but your needs are EQUALLY IMPORTANT in developing the best plan to balance her needs and yours.

If you are presently her only caregiver, do you have a POA?

Please provide additional information about you and your LO so that conversation can continue.

Call either Adult Protective Services or your local Mental Health or Aging Office and have them help you get her placed