BurntCaregiver Asked August 2020

How much do people value their loved one's care?

This is a good question. I have been an in-home caregiver for a long time. I've worked for agencies but only take private work now. Recently I was contacted by a woman who is desperate to find care for her elderly, completely invalid mother with dementia. She wants an experienced, dependable, compassionate and competent CNA for the position. No payment for the work. Free room and board in the mother's apartment to assume the responsibility and care of her 24/7 is being offered. As a caregiver I come to expect that families will try to tug at my heart strings to get cheap care for their "loved one". After many times being taken advantage of by families, I've learned to let no amount of begging and pleading sway me where my pay is concerned. There's an old saying, 'You get what you pay for'. Yet, so many families want the very best of care for nothing or next to it. This woman was rather put out by me telling her this. Maybe this woman can find an abbey to drop her mother off at where Catholic nuns will provide her care for free Or check local homeless shelters for someone to provide her mom's care for room and board with no pay. Maybe she'll get lucky. Not likely she'll find free care anywhere else. Know your worth caregivers. We make your life possible. We make it possible for you to hold a job, have a life, go on vacation, because we take the responsibility and misery of caring for your elderly "loved one" so you don't have to. We deserve to get paid for this and paid decently for it. In-home caregivers like me save you and your family a fortune because no matter how well you pay us, it's nowhere near what you'd be paying out for a nursing home or assisted living facility.

24 Answers

Most
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First

This would be a very good topic for the "discussions" thread.
Many people do not have the money to get the care for their elder that is needed; that doesn't mean that you, doing the word, do not need, deserve and should get a living wage.
This is the dilemma, and this is why so many end in care in institutions. It's very sad and more and more a fact of life as we are forced to live ever longer with ever less.

Helpful Answer (10)

I know that is true. Medicaid and long-term care insurance will pay ridiculously high amounts, sometimes up to $15,000 a month for a person to be in a care facility, yet they won't pay out anything to a private, fully-licensed and certified CNA working for themselves to come into the home and care for the person. It would save a fortune, yet it's not allowed.

(3)

I fully agree with you but also have extreme compassion for those families without the income to pay for in home care. Many Many people simply do not have the money to pay $25/hr for in home care. I was one of them.

Helpful Answer (7)

Does anyone on this thread have access to a PACE program in their region? It stands for Program for All Access Care for the Elderly and it's funded half by Medicare and half by Medicaid. If you have access to it it's a life-changer. I had a good job when my husband had a near-fatal stroke in late 2011. He spent months in a skilled nursing facility receiving very good care. We private-paid because 1) we could, and 2) I didn't want us to get sucked into the Medicaid system. Once he was able to be safely discharged home, private care for two 12 hour shifts consumed HALF of my monthly take home pay. And that's when I had a good job, which I lost five years ago. Yes, it's expensive. But please look into PACE. It was a lifesaver for us.

(2)

I agree with you that people should be valuing you and willing to pay you well for your service. It’s hard work!! But, I beg to differ on the cost vs a decent nursing home or care facility. My analysis found that quality 24 hr in home care for my mom was going to cost considerably more than a good care facility and it was a huge factor in my decision that she just couldn’t stay at home any longer.

Helpful Answer (5)

This. Unless a relative is providing some of the care, I think 24 hour care is more cost effective in a facility. Now, some families can do that, some cannot. Some elderly loved ones sleep through the night, some do not. There is no one size fits all.

(4)

Personally, you couldn't pay me enough to do 24/7 caring. Even when it's been for DH during one of his issues, I always became very angry at some point over the fact I was 'on' every second of every day and not only not getting 'paid' but actually being abused as DH was so difficult and demanding.

So you get room and board? That's the most basic needs met. What about some money to pay for a haircut? Or a meal out? Or the car payment? It goes far beyond a room and food.

Even slaves were paid. Even the lowliest servant on an English manor got paid. Granted, not much, but they got something.

Helpful Answer (5)

People requesting a live in aide for room and board only are clueless. And expect them to be there 24/7. Members here have told these aides that agreed to this are slaves. No one should agree to being a live in unless they have a place to go if it doesn't work out. Even live in maids in Big houses get salaries. There was one aide the woman deducted rent from her pay.

After caring for my Mom, I respected CNAs and felt they are not paid enough. As you said, u get what u pay for.

Helpful Answer (5)

I hear you. I’m a daughter (1 of 5 children). I gave up my career in exchange to do eldercare for my parents. And that is exactly what they expect. My father actually said, “Oh, I thought room and board was enough.” I am learning the hard way!! I have contacted an elder care lawyer to help put some of this in place. Including a contract for what I do. I’m thankful for the comments on this site that opened my eyes to the necessity of legal documents and clear arrangements for elder care. Thanks for being another reminder of the value we provide!!

Helpful Answer (5)

I just read your previous posts. You have been treated extremely unfairly by your family.

Have you at least made an appointment with an eldercare attorney to draw up a contract so that you get paid?

One of your posts said that your parents are saving their money to pass on to children and grandchildren. And here you are, doing all the work.

(1)

Exactly. I can't believe they think a room is worth being saddled with a person 24/7is worth it. They will be in for a rude awakening when trying to take their loved one to assisted living, or a nur$$ing home.
Stand up for yourself. I would tell them that you need to pay your bills too. I would stop the sob story in its tracks.

Helpful Answer (4)

And yet we see this question here all the time.. Can I get some one to take care of parent for room and board? It always amazed me that they are on this site, with all its stories, and can still ask that question!

Helpful Answer (3)

In the old old days back in the 40's, it was very common for very old people crippled by arthritis or other problems to solicit and obtain a younger spinster or widow in her 60'sbut healthy to live with and care for the handicapped person in return for yes just free room and board.At least 3 of these situations I saw as a teenager seemed very amicable.In all of them, the 90 or older person paid for a yard man, grocery deliveries a onece a week maid, and transportation. The "companion shared the life of the crippled elder 24/7 5 days a week.They had weekends off while loved ones visited with and cared for their veryold loved one. None of the 3 companionsusually went anywhere on their "weekends off" very often.They usually just took a respite in their private bedroom and bath. going only for ocassional outings with their own loved ones.These three ladies had only very small incomes and were glad to have free room and board in return for relatively easy work.In all 3 instances, the arrangements lasted 3 years or less before the elders had to go into nursing homes because they could no longer handle their own affairs.they all seemed cheerful and happy. I, of course, cannot really know. I also do not know what other arrangements they made when their employers had to go into nursing homes.What I do know, I learned from my then 63 year old aunt who was such a live in caregiver for 2 years.She later moved in with a friend and they shared expenses.She often spoke happily about the money she "put in the bank" when she was that 2 year caregiver.For the last year of her lifeshe lived with her grand daughter and died at 96.

Helpful Answer (3)

The first and worst concern for a 24/7 caregiver being promised free room and board is that the caregiver will not be making contributions to Social Security and Medicare for the caregiver's own future. Anyone who thinks that free room and board is a fantastic benefit to offer someone in the U.S. is living in the U.K. Middle Ages. Then, there's the concern about the lack of Workers Comp if and when the caregiver sustains an injury in the act of transferring a heavy and immobile person between bed and toilet, etc. No relief there either unless the family is willing to shell out and if such a family were willing to do so in the first place they wouldn't have dangled the offer of free room and board as a benefit. Then, on the other side... any prospective caregiver accepting free room and board might not be the greatest candidate for a 24/7 position because -- particularly in today's awful climate -- they may be doing it because they have no other choices of where to live. Beware, beware, beware.

Helpful Answer (2)

See All Answers

How much do people value their loved one's care?

24 Answers

Recent Questions

Popular Questions

Related Questions

Ask a Question