Most days with my grandpa are fine. But he periodically exhibits behavior that is very concerning and is a constant source of stress. The biggest being that twice in the past three months has gotten angry and walked out of the house.
- Once he was gone for two nights, got on a bus and when to the Denver bus station to by a ticket to Texas. Then stayed at a cheap hotel for during the pandemic.
- He also walked out this past weekend, my dad followed him. Grandpa walked to a nearby bus stop. When he returned he was mad, but then ended up talking to my brother and I about his frustrations, about his childhood, about when he came to the US, etc., and seemed a bit manic.
When he leaves the house, my perception is that it is not “wandering.” It is out of anger and highly intentional. This past time he pushed my dad before he walked out. He can be verbally abusive and will certainly insult my parents. At least part of the reason he gets angry is because he is obsessed with the yard. My parents do not want him to use chainsaws or climb ladders to get on the roof. He is angry about the loss of independence and seems to throw fits.
He has been diagnosed with dementia, but he is very aware, has control over his money and can take pretty good care of himself.
Sometimes he says he wants to move out, buy a small house and fix it up. But the reason he moved in with my parents to begin with is because his house was like a hoarder's house, spoiled food, bugs, stacks of paper, a space heater, turning on burners to keep the house warm to save money on heating.
He doesn’t want to go to an assisted living. He says it costs too much. He does have some financial resources that he doesn’t want to spend. Personally, I think he needs to be in some kind of care facility.
He is great to us grandchildren and really hard on my parents. Any guidance? Options? Ideas?
Thank you!
2 Answers
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I think some personalities sort of accept aging & the loss of independance, while others will fight it tooth & nail. Your Grandpa is a fighter!
It does seem his choices are living with family (while this still works for everyone) or AL. This can be a hard pill to take - he is struggling with that too.
Some talk therapy may or may not work for him... but may be of use to your parents with ideas & strategies if they want it?
Regarding the leaving home / bus trips: I suppose it will come down to balancing Grandpa's freedom of choice with safety. Not easy. You have my sympathy.
And he also needs assisted living but doesn't want to spend the money.
Maybe your parents can talk to a social worker for guidance.
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