Does anyone feel when they're trying to help their elderly folks that they put them down, even though they have gone above and beyond?

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Nanabell Asked August 2020

Does anyone feel when they're trying to help their elderly folks that they put them down, even though they have gone above and beyond?

My father is stubborn and took himself off some pills and made a threat and he ended up in ER because of that. From there, trying to find out information about his appointments and he wants to go along which is fine, but this time here when I told him that I had just one question about a specific test the cancer doctor had and can I ask that he said okay. But then when the doctor comes in and my father tells him that I have a question and then I have to leave I proceed to ask that question. Then the doctor asks Dad well I have to ask him how he's doing first so the answer to the question that I had never got answered before my father basically kicked me out of the office in front of the doctor embarrassing me to know and making me feel like I am nothing. Has anybody gone through that?

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score 1 · Answer 1

Have front desk have him update records, including emergency contact and hippa. When MIL tried ordering us out of room it was so SHE could snow the doctor, illusions of grandeur. Stopped that by having a list of what was actually going on, kept it in a binder with weight, bp, o2, pulse rate, issues ie improvement or deterioration of health. Important information was highlighted. Basically a wellness diary. Gave doc a broader view and stopped her fibs. Nurse told me extremely helpful cuz her answer was everything was fine, um can we say palpitations, tias, physical therapy for balance issues all thru hospice so doc wouldn't have had a clue and meds would've been never adjusted as needed. The older they get it seems the more secretive they get. Unless of course they are in a group of their peers comparing ailments...that's another story for another time

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score 1 · Answer 2

At the next appointment there ask the check-in or nurse for a Medical Representative form and have your dad assign you as his by putting your name and him signing the form, returning it to whoever gave it to you. This way you can freely call and discuss anything with the doc about your dad's condition, care, etc, without your dad's further permission or having to be present. Ask for the form at the front desk. I think it needs to be filled out once a year but not sure. This is different than a medical PoA privilege. You have to have him assign you for each doctor he sees.

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score 2 · Answer 3

That's nothing! My MIL insists that my medically qualified SIL accompany her to appointments, and then won't allow her to speak or to ask questions. And SIL still goes! I'm dashed if I would.

Your father's medical information is confidential. If he isn't happy to share it with you, that's the end of the discussion.

I agree it can be frustrating (see above) but I don't see why it should be embarrassing? And I'm absolutely certain you won't be the first concerned child the doctor has seen ordered out of the room by his patient :)

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Does anyone feel when they're trying to help their elderly folks that they put them down, even though they have gone above and beyond?

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