Wishing my Dad would just quietly slip away. Any advice?

Hi Swanalaka, Thank you for sharing your beautiful story. I had a situation like yours - after the 13th hospital stay, I brought him home to die. He was here one week, and I was laying in his hospital bed with him when he went home, talking to him, telling him how much he is loved, how thankful I was to have him as my husband, for the beautiful life we'd had together. The day before his passing, he told me two things that I'll carry in my heart for eternity. "I have two regrets - one is that I have to leave you, and the other is that I didn't marry you when we first met." He was my soulmate, best friend, my anchor in a crazy world, - my partner in crime - lol - what he has left behind is a empty shell of a person that's totally lost without him - I exist, but that's not living. Simply go through the motions. Gone 10 years now, and it's like it was yesterday. I miss him with every fiber in me. Point being; husband, father, whoever - let them go with no guilt on you. You're doing a great job,! Enjoy him now, wish him safe journey, and never forget the good times. Make sure he knows he's loved, beyond measure. Being a good daddy has surely earned him favor with his Saviour. God speed to him, prayers for you...

As a nurse I can tell you that the body's drive to live is strong. The heart is made to beat and it will do all it can to keep on beating, the lungs want to draw air in and they will do all they can to try to do so.
People tend to believe that people are not "letting go". Dying isn't that easy. It isn't up to our conscious mind.
I am so glad to hear there is such a loving group. Don't be surprised to feel both a gut punch when he is gone AS WELL AS relief that he won't have to suffer anymore, and you won't have to stand helplessly watching it.
I hope peace will come for you all soon. I am so sorry for your grief, and thankful for your support/

It is wonderful that your family has been in and everything is "drama free". I had this "problem" with my mother. Dad, my brother and I were with mom (or at least one of us was) 24/7 for the last few days. Even the hospice nurse could not believe mom had not moved on several days before.
Finally, as my children got ready to go back to their homes, we told mom we were going to go to the dining room for lunch together. Just before we sat down, Dad decided to go check on her. She was gone, we had not been out of the room 5 minutes. She was waiting for us to leave her alone! Mm was leaving on her own terms, and we had been messing those up by staying beside her.
Good luck with your part of this journey with your father. May you both find peace.

Sometimes, they are scared. It’s good that you told him that everything here will be OK. They need to hear that. But, sometimes in their life, like all of us, has done things we are not proud of. Whether he’s religious or not, you wonder what will happen to me after I die. My brother always made it through every operation. We couldn’t believe how many times he cheated death. The last time in hospital, the doctors told me I had to tell him he’s dying. Before that, a priest came in to pray for him & when the priest left, I turned to my brother & said how nice he gave you a beautiful prayer. My brother answered, doesn’t matter, it’s not gonna help me! So now I’m thinking did he kill someone? What did my brother do that he’s scared? So now I tell him he’s dying. I saw both eyebrows raise because he thought again he was going home. I told him, mom is waiting for you & she loved us kids, & would never let anything happen to him. She will protect & anything you did here on earth that was so bad, she will ask God for forgiveness. I will also take care & help your 3 children. He peacefully died. You have to find out why he’s holding on. I just would have a long talk with him. Tell him you will all be together someday & please be there for me when I die! Tell him how lucky he is to leave such a turmoiled earth. You are the only one that can take away his fears if that’s the reason why he’s hanging on! Just keep talking to him and reassure him that he will be OK. Ask him To protect you after he’s gone! Maybe that will give him some courage to pass. I had a step father dying of dementia. When I walked in, my step sister was there & told me she gave him a piece of her mind. I was shocked. I mean, this poor man couldn’t talk & his eyes were closed & she said things when he couldn’t defend himself. The next day I went to hospice & with him and I alone, I told him what a good step dad he was to me. I thanked him for being a good husband to my mother. As I was talking to him I saw his closed eyes moving back & forth so I knew he could hear me. I didn’t want him to take those bad words from his daughter with him. I wanted to give him good pictures to take with him! I told him he was lucky to leave this crazy world & I told him I loved him! People forget it’s not about you, it’s about a person leaving this world and they need reassurance. Find that for your dad! There’s something keeping him here. You need to try anything to give him that piece to move on. Good luck

Perhaps by now your father has passed since you haven't been here for a few days.

Our hospice nurse suggested that there was "unfinished business" when my mil lingered much longer than expected. She had stated often she wanted us to go to WDW after she passed, so that day I bought tickets online for WDW. I told her I'd just bought our tickets, she nodded (she had not communicated with us for two weeks except for one day when she verbally relived her entire life), and forty-five minutes after that nod, she passed.

So, if your dad is still lingering, is it possible that there is unfinished business of some sort?

Seems he will pass soon. So glad that everybody came to visit and assure him of their love. Also glad that you have reminded him that you'll care for mom.

As an RN, I have cared for terminal patients. Some will wait until all the family is gathered to pass. Some prefer the privacy and wait until all are out of the room. Some need to know that "life tasks" are completed or taken care of. I had a Catholic patient that needed last rites before passing, and she was in a coma. All this to say, he will pass when he is ready and God says "Come home."

My father finally gave his last breath Wednesday afternoon. All 5 of his children, 2 daughters-in-law and a granddaughter had been at his house for several days. From his bedroom, Dad could hear us all in the next room, laughing, remembering, enjoying being together. He couldn't participate much, but knew we were there and we each spent some private alone time at his bedside.
The last 2 days he was asking if there was anything he should be doing. Mom usually said "no, just go to sleep". After reading posts about unfinished business I started answering with saying the bills were all paid, the paperwork was all put away, the checkbook was balanced, his e-mail correspondence was caught up, the lawn was mowed and the Yankees won. He noticeably relaxed and could doze off for a couple hours.
When he finally passed there were 10 of us surrounding his bed, all gently laying a hand on him. We took turns telling Dad our last good byes, thanking him for being such a good father, assuring him we would take care of Mom. He passed in a room bursting with love and respect for him.
In hindsight we can never know why he hung in so long. Maybe it is simply because he was incredibly healthy. He was old, but had no heart disease, kidney trouble, high blood pressure or cholesterol, diabetes or anything. This time last year he was golfing and driving! Alzheimer's does not take a life in a kindly manner.
Thanks to all of you who offered your personal stories and advice. It was very helpful to know people who had been through it were kind enough to help me go through it as well.

I recently went through the same thing. Dad passed away 16 days after not eating and 9 days of not drinking. It’s horrible, but it’s also a relief. My thoughts are with you 💗💗

One day he will slowly slip away. You may not even notice that he has stopped breathing. It is hard to wait, I know because I was by my Dad’s side while we waited. Evidently he was a good man and led a good life because he has all his loving family around him. Death doesn’t get any better than this and it comes for us all. Breathe. Play soothing music and he will be gone and you will remember him with sadness. Meanwhile, write your feelings down in a notebook.

I should that reading through these stories have caused me many tears, tears of sadness of it reminds me of losing my own dad but also tears of joy in a sense to hear the beautiful sentiments expressed in peoples own experiences. It makes me know I am not alone in these kind of thing.