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Gloria20 Asked August 2020

Sundowning; what can I say to give her comfort?

Hi Everyone, my mum-in-law lives on her home at present as most of the time at the moment she is fine and does mostly everything for herself. But when the evening comes she rings and asks to be picked up as she wants to go home although she is in her house already. I would say mum you are in your house look at the picture on the wall to prove its your home and she would be ok I'm home, then she would ring again with the same thing so very upsetting. Are there any suggestions what I can say to my mum to give her comfort whilst she's going through this?
Thanking you all in advance

Grandma1954 Aug 2020
If she is living by herself it might be time to get someone in that will be there 24/7.
It may be next time she becomes confused during Sundowning that she does not call you but walks out the door to go "home". Once that happens she may not find her way back and how long would it be before you realize she has left the house? Next morning? Afternoon? or when she does not call that night?
If having someone there is not possible moving her to your house (if that is a possibility, and it is not easy by any means, you will still need help) You moving to her house (again not easy and you still need help) or looking into a Memory Care facility. None are easy options.
In the mean time is it possible to place cameras in and around her house so you can monitor her. Make sure she does not wander, does not leave the stove on, water on and if taking medications is doing so properly.

gladimhere Aug 2020
If she is living alone it is time to figure out the next steps planning for 24/7 in home care or moving her to assisted living. The disorientation that she is experiencing can be terrifying especially when alone. There really is not much you can say to relieve their delusions. They are unable to reason or understand any explanation that you may provide.

With dementia it is sometimes best to move them before the dementia progresses too far. They will have the time it takes to adjust to their new residence making the move less stressful on everyone. If she lives alone, she should be moved or a caregiver brought in 24/7. In a facility she will have an opportunity to make friends, get involved in activities (though this looks different now than six months ago) and get to know staff, and them her, before it becomes an urgent situation.

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